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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I dated a man for almost a year. We have both been married

Customer Question

I dated a man for almost a year. We have both been married once before. We are in our fifties. He pursued me and won my heart. I was supposedly his greatest love of his life. (He has been in love twice before me. His wife cheated on him) We ended the relationship in December. I wanted to spend more time with him. We spent all of our time with his kids or at business functions. He is extremely busy so I just wanted 24 hours a month until his children got older (they are 10 & 11 and he has joint custody but has them 75% of the time) I saw him a few times in January and once in February. In February he told me he still loved me and missed me but did not know what he wanted.I saw him in March at his church and he put his arm around me during prayer and held my hand during the service.I sopke at his church this Sunday and his daughters asked me to sit with them after my speech. When I joined them the seat that was saved for me was beside him. During both prayer times he grabbed and held my hand. I was glad. The people in his church love me and want us to get back together. I go to a different church. So why did he hold my hand? What does that mean? I am trying to move on but will not date until I am healed. I assume he is dating but do not know for sure.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

During prosy he grabbed your hand and this has happened more than once.

Deardebra :

When someone does that I feel their is a very strong connection.

Deardebra :

That is showing a bond.

Deardebra :

There are still feeling there.

Deardebra :

But I feel like he is not confused by how he feels he is afraid to put his heart out there.

Deardebra :

1. During pray he grabbed your hand and this has happened more than once.

Deardebra :

You spoke at his church which when someone you love gives a speech and your able to look at them at their moment to shine, you can take the time to watch them at their brightest moment. I feel that when you came off that stage his feelings were so strong for you.

Deardebra :

When his daughters asked you to sit with them.

Deardebra :

That is a very clear sign that they know he has feelings for you.

Deardebra :

They were trying to make you feel comfortable and accepted.

Deardebra :

Believe me his daughters know how he feels about you. I feel he just has concerns about being in a relationship.

Deardebra :

He doesn't want to get hurt and he is worried that you might leave and he will be hurt again.

Deardebra :

Right now his emotions are strong for you, but he is so afraid of taking a risk in the relationship he would rather pull away and not make a decision.

Deardebra :

I feel you need to take the lead on this one, if you want to get back together I feel things need to be discussed first so he knows what you want and what you are looking for in a relationship. You wanted more time and you should get that time with him to create that every lasting bond together.

Deardebra :

Explain your feelings for him and how nice it was that he held your hand in church.

Deardebra :

Tell him you felt so welcomed when his daughters asked you to sit with them. I think you both have a strong connection that you both need to tell each other how you both feel about one another. I feel if you start off first he will tell you how he feels, the more he opens up the more he will begin to understand his feelings and that he can not live with out you.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Dear Debra, thanks for your answer. It was reassuring to know all of his professions of love were true. I have tried to reconcile but he is not interested so regardless of why I know I need to move on. It is sad. We had somthing extremely special and I am sure one day he will regret it.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
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