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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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my friend is having an affair and she is married.Ive learned

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my friend is having an affair and she is married.I've learned about the multiple times she has been with this man and have listen to the details.she asked mein the beginning about my opinion.I told her it will become difficult in time . However, she seems more interested in having me listen to her experiences and she is not asking my opinion, with the exception of that one time. She have no intention of stopping anytime soon.I am refraining from giving my opinion not only because she is not asking but because she knows the obvious, and is not looking at this particular time of the consequences because she is still caught up in the thrill. one other time I did remind her she has a lot to lose but I do not want to keep beating it over the head. I also told her it will be come hard to live with a secret like this in time. I believe one day she will run into the wall with this behavior. however, next time she wants to share with me the details of her escapades, how should I react?

Deardebra : People often do not know what they are going to lose when the person finds out.
Deardebra : Emotions get in the way and people do not realize that they could lose the person they are with.
Deardebra : What happens some times is when the person finds out that their spouse is having an affair they either leave or have the other person leave.
Deardebra : Then through the break up the person is no longer interested in the affair but wants to get their spouse back and they realize that they made the biggest mistake in their marriage.
Deardebra : What people do not realize is that they loved their spouse and do not know why they had the affair.
Deardebra : The hurt from the rejection of the spouse changes the affair because they become so hurt that their marriage is over.
Deardebra : If the person decides that they want to stay with the person they had the affair with, their is still so much hurt from a marriage breaking up because they would be going through a divorce that the new relationship is full of hurt emotions and it is almost impossible to focus oin the new relationship.
Deardebra : You need to tell her that this is a mistake and she should end the affair. Having an affair is wrong and it effects a lot of people. Right now it is effect your friendship.
Deardebra : You feel this is wropng and you want to tell her and you should.
Deardebra : *you feel this is wrong and you want to tell her and you should.
Deardebra : Right now I feel she is waiting for your opinion, but doesn't want to know the answer.
Deardebra : She knows this is wrong and I feel her talking about it she is trying to justify what she is doing wrong.
Deardebra : She is living in the moment but if the affair gets discovered then she will no longer be focused on the affair she will be trying to save her marriage.
Deardebra : Also some times peopel who have affairs are not looking for a serious relationship. So what can happen is if her marriage breaks up and she thinks that she will be with the guy she is having the affair with, he could walk away because he does not want to be in a committed rewlationship.
Deardebra : I would ask her this question because people get caught up in the affair. You need to ask her if she can picture her life without her husband. Tell her to wake up tomorrow mourning and picture her husband no longer being in her life and how it would effect her if her life changed.
Deardebra : This might make her realize that she would never want to lose her husband over an affair.
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