How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr.G. Your Own Question

Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr.G. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been in a long-term lesbian relationship. I left this

Customer Question

I have been in a long-term lesbian relationship. I left this relationship because I realized that I was in it because of abuse of suffered and not because I am sexually attracted to women. I have no intention of ever being in a relationship with a woman again, regardless if I am alone or not. I want to seriously begin dating men. I am afraid, that the men will reject me because of my past experience. I feel intense sadness and shame over my past choices. Is there any hope for me to find a man?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, maybe I can help. You talk about past experiences that men will reject? How do you know this to be true? Have you dated guys before? How long do you want to be shameful before forgiving yourself? What is positive about yourself that would be appealing to a potential relationship partner?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Dr. G,


 


You are right, I don't know that men will reject me, although I have been rejected by men in the past. I feel shameful about what I have done because I realize that I lied to myself and did not ever need to be in a lesbian relationship. Everything I got from my partner I could have gotten from a man all along. I feel like a heterosexual and that I have betrayed myself in the deepest, most intimate way. I am deeply attracted to men, but have been afraid to relive my molest. I try to forgive myself, but am having a hard time. I am a very caring person.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
So there has been molestation. This is the real issue that needs to be resolved. You can forgive yourself at any time. However, the effect the molestation has on you needs to be addressed. This might be the perfect time to go see a therapist and work on it. If you don't address it, then it will carry into any future relationships and sabotage any chance you would have at a good relationship. What do you think about that?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Yes I was molested and and my molesters (brother and father) told me that no man would want me, that I was garbage, that I was ugly. I have resolved most of my issues around it. But knowing that my lesbian relationship was a form of molestation to me (because I did not want to be intimate) is what is bothering me. I may never have found a man, but to be with another woman in an intimate way when I lied to myself is what is making me sad.I thought being with a woman would be safer than a man, but I ended up giving away a part of myself that I can never get back. I have a counselor and I am working through things, but I am finding it difficult.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Counseling can be very difficult when exploring these intimate details. I think you are doing the right thing and gaining a lot of insight. To me that is great progress. I think the big thing for you note is to stay the course and be patient. Things will turn around for you. I can already tell by the way you are thinking about things and wanting something different.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Dr.G. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I feel very violated by having been with a woman. To know now that there are great men out there, not only for intimacy, but for a strong, healthy relationship just kills me. I think about all the time I completely wasted trying to be safe from my past when in fact I could have had a healthy, successful, happy relationship with a man. My lesbian relationship is over for good and I have no intention of ever returning to any woman, but how do I put the pieces of my life back together? I don't even feel gay, really. To know that I wasted so much of my life and violated myself is extremely hard to deal with. I know we all make mistakes in life, but I feel shattered and like I missed my chance to be who I really am.
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Being judgmental is not going to make you feel any better. Would you be thus tough on a friend of yours? Probably not. The past makes you who you are today. Some may say you had to go through the lesbian experimentation to realize it is not who you truly are. I will also say being a lesbian or not in the past; you were not ready for a relationship with a good man. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is now the healing begins, which means your future is going up from here.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Dr.G. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am so ashamed of myself, I really don't feel like a real woman. And to know that I had the power all along to choose a different path! At what point in a relationship should I bring up my past?
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
When you can talk about it without being ashamed.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency