How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I met a girl through mutual friends at work several months

Customer Question

I met a girl through mutual friends at work several months ago. Started dating. Everything was great. We talked/texted daily. Saw each other outside of work a couple of times a week. She was younger and I thought we might be moving a little fast, but I really liked her and I had a vote of confidence from our friends, so I felt like I had some groundwork to stand on as far as trust.

This went on for a few months. Then she started getting distant. Finally I called her on it and she rattled off reasons about us not being good enough friends, not texting enough (even though we texted every day?). I said that I really like her, but that we should make a clean break if she wasn't into it. She didn't answer for over an hour, so I said "Okay, I guess we're broken up." She immdiately came back with "Okay. It's just this, this, and this, but I never meant to hurt you."

I spent he next week second guessing myself. I texted her, asking if I hadn't broken up with her, would she have ended it. She said that wasn't her intention that night. I asked if it was too late for us and she said "maybe". Then she never got back to me. We saw each other at our friends' daughter's birthday party the next weekend and she avoided me like the plague. The week after that, she blocked me on Facebook, unprovoked.

I came to find out later that she was talking to her roommate's cousin (a guy) who was visitig, not even a week after we broke up. He started posting things on her FB page. A few weeks after that, she flew out of state to go see him.

Our mutual friend (who works with her) told me that she had gone through dating a lot of guys before we met, but that she thought she ended it quickly with them because they were losers. As it turns out, it was her that was the problem. Comparing notes with our friend, it was easy to see that she was telling me on thing, and our friend another. I think she was trying not to look like a skeez to our friend.

I know what kind of girl she is now, and in my mind, I know I'm better off. I now work down the hall from her because of circumstances at work. I don't physically see her often, but I know she's there.

How do I let go of this anger I have for her when I know I don't have the luxury of just completely forgetting her?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

It seems that she did you a favor breaking up with you (and it was HER that did it). This is the way she is for whatever psychological reasons from her past - perhaps abuse or abandonment which caused low self-esteem.

This was not directed against you although it feels personal. This poor woman suffers a great deal, no doubt.

You WILL soon forget about her when you find someone who is more stable and who has the ability, maturity, and mental stability to hold on to a relationship with a good man.

Right now, you are experiencing a bit of a loss, similar to grief. It gnaws at you now, but soon will pass.

I can recommend a wonderful book that has been very helpful to some of my other clients who have experienced a similar breakup. The book is:

Product Details

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott JD MEd


You will be fine in short order.

Get this book. It can only help you. It is quite powerful and effective and you need a little positive boost.

I am confident that you will get over this girl in short order. She needs some professional help. YOU cannot help her however, and she can only bring you down, as she has perhaps brought down others.

I shall keep you in my prayers and wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I've stayed in relationships with girls before for probably too long when I knew I wasn't feeling it. I gave all of them the courtesy of a reasonable break up conversation though. It's just a matter of respect.


 


Even though it was destined to not work, I just can't understand how someone can completely dismiss someone they've had a good relationship with. How can someone just completely disregard someone else's feeling like that? All it would have taken was a five minute, face to face conversation and I could have been moving past all of this a long time ago.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much, Todd. May God bless you and give you the success and happiness that you are seeking. Elliott

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency