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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Relationship update

Customer Question

I was looking for some further help.  I am still in the same situation after almost 4 years that boyfriend just wont make formal committment. He has now promised that the ring he showed me and let me try on he will give me before the endof this year which is September. We will have been together 4 years then and he says he wont go 5.  I also am very concerned that he is unable to really show his affection sexually. He always wants me to satisfy him but does not make love to me, he just says jump on if I want to. I do not do that so therefore there is nothing. I think this is totally unacceptable. he kisses me and tells me he loves me and is committed to spend the rest of his life with me but he is reall self centered. He seems to always put his  business first. The other day I asked him to come visit me after work and he said he would try but had some issues pressing with work. That was Monday that I asked, Wed he was supposed to come. He never even got back to me. that was so upsetting and disrespectful. I love him, I am not sure I should. Can I have your input please..

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend is struggling to be considerate towards your feelings - both in terms of the possibility of promising you a ring and also in terms of sexually he doesn't seem to want to reciprocate when you're being sexual together. He seems to take but not give much to you...

You sound to me as though you are desperately trying to make this work but it requires you both to work at it and make the most and not take the other for granted. It feels as though he is taking you for granted, hence why I say that you deserve better treatment. This cannot be good for your self esteem and confidence in yourself, I am concerned that you are holding on and trying so hard with him yet he has been dismissive and disrespectful of you by not getting back to you about meeting up, such incidents - if seem to you be be fairly frequent could be indicative of, like you say a very self centered man who isn't willing to offer you much.

Perhaps it is more important that you decide like you say, whether he deserves you? Should you be loving him so much when he doesn't convey and express this in the way that you need him to?

It may be a significant factor at this stage, to re-evaluate how you feel about this relationship and whether you want to continue on or change something. Can you really change him or is it more about expressing and communicating to him your feelings of being disrespected and dismissed? This would be crucial and if he responds by not taking it seriously then you may well need to consider whether this is the right person for you and whether you can accept and live with his behavior long term.

I truly hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service and for the bonus, please don't hesitate to contact me again should you need further assistance or support in the future, if you'd like to return to me, please put "For Karin" at the start of your new question.

Best of luck and I hope you resolve this soon,
Take care of yourself,
Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thanks for your reply, I guess what you are saying I thought about as well. This weekend my boyfriend was actually very considerate with flowers and cooking me dinner for mothers day. I just feel that I give so much more to the relationship and am not sure if I would want to live the rest of my life with someone who does not show me the intimacy I need and deserve. We talked about me moving in with him by the end of this year and I gave him a list of what I want before I do that and one of the things was to get engaged others had to do with making space etc at his house. He said he agreed with all of them. He told me this a few weeks ago as well but I am not sure I can believe him since he has been saying he will make a committment and has had that ring in his closet for over 2 years. He never went as far as putting a time frame on it like he is now but this is the last hurrah as far as I am concerned. He will either formally commit and give me the ring or I am done. I promise you. I am hoping that once he does do that he will be more comfortable with showing me the intimacy I desire as well. We shall see. What are your thoughts?

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

If he's had the ring in his closet for over two years and has decided to "commit" to you, what is he waiting for right now? Surely getting engaged now (or soonish) would stop your responses of feeling insecure of his commitment to you?

I'm pleased to hear that he's made some effort though, however the point still remains that you need to make a decision about his commitment to you and whether he is frightened of something..

If anything, you sound more confident and certain of yourself, so good for you! :-) Keep up your strength and hold your ground - this may backfire on you or he may just step up. Either way, you will have an answer so that you can get on with your life - you deserve to give yourself this, if nothing else. Best of luck, I pray that all goes well for you and that he is able to prove himself to you.

----------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks he says that he is deciding how he wants to propose. He wants to find a special place he does not want to do it at his business which is where he lives or my place or on any other occassion. Lets see , we are going away for a few days fo rhis birthday at he end of June and also
to the shore for a few days to see a concert mid July. those are both times we would be alone and away from everything. There is a very short rope that I am giving him, if he does not do this soon he is not being honest with me and I am not going to make excuses anymore nor tolerate that. There truly is no reason he should not do it now. I have done so much for him that I am actually embarassed at myself that I have let him put this off for this long, I can believe he would want to either.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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