I recently got into a bad spot with my SO, and we took 2 weeks to ourselves to try and figure it out. More or less, I hurt her emotionally because of some traumatic life experience I never dealt with (I became an angrier more anxious person and she felt it and eventually I yelled at her over some dumb stuff and thats when we took the time). I have dealt with, and am dealing with it, and am trying to keep her in my life (when I explained to her what had made me so angry, the suicide of a friend, she understood better). We have been together for 3 years, and both still love each other. We are talking and have gone out twice and she will be spending a weekend with me in Colorado in a couple weeks. She has said we aren't romantic right now, just friends figuring out where we stand, and time will tell. When we go out it feels exactly like it did before, just no kiss or hand holding etc. I s'pose I would like to know what I can do to help show her that we are still what we were. I know she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, since we essentially re-hash the same points. I want to move forward, but not to quickly. I just want to do everything right because I really do think we are great together. Thanks in advance
It sounds like she pushed back her feelings because she didn't understand what happened. Once you explained things
that is when she realized how she felt, but you can not take back what happened
That I know, and I still regret it. Immediately after i yelled at her I saw the look on her face and felt broken inside. That is not who I am or how I normally act
She still says she can't really put into words her feelings, or where we are. That is why she doesn't want to talk about it, until she figures it all out. I just don't know how to behave until then
She needs time to think about what has happened but in her own way, you can say your sorry and try to make her understand but she needs time to sort things out in her own mind.
That I understand. We are spending time together though, going out to dinner and things. They feel like dates, but there is that awkward moment where we would normally hold hands or kiss where we know each person is thinking it but doesn't. I just don't know what is a reasonable amount of time to wait to bring it up. We have a military ball we will be at in 2.5 weeks (super fancy romantic weekend). I don't know whether it's better to have the experience be who I am and talk about it at the end of june when I see her again (I have some duty until then) or to bring it up that weekend. We will still talk in between and all.
This is your time to get the connection back on the romantic weekend.
I want you to try to hold her hand and I do not want you to bring up the past no more that is over and you both need to move on and start again together.
So wait until that weekend to take that step? I will be seeing her before then. Just use these times to have nice conversations etc, but wait to step back towards romanticism for that weekend?
I would keep trying o get her to open up, it is going to take her time to let her guard down and let you back in.
But what you want to do is let her see the real you, the one she fell in love with. I would like to explain something too you.
What happens when you love someone and you see another side of them, it sets you back.
You can not help but wonder why the person you loved yelled and hurt your feelings and she is worried that it will happen again, so she is being cautious.
She doesn't want for that to happen again, even though you said it won't she does not know that.
She still has her guard up. But
as she sees that this is not going to happen again, she will begin to drop her guard.
Also it became a fear that you were so upset that she might have lost you so she never wants to upset you again.
Yeah I can see both of those
She said something along the lines of if this ever happened again I think I would lose you all together
So she is worried
I just worry, that with the military move coming it will add a lot of stress. Either become a difficult long distance thing, or she's have to move to be with me.
So I feel kind of rushed in a process in which time is a key ingredient.
I undersand, but you an not put time on a relationship. Falling in love does not have a time on it, I feel that when two people love each other they go through great lengths to be with one another.
I will do whatever it takes, I know that. Alright well thank you very much. Anything else?
This is going to work out for you, it is just going to take time. I just want you to do one thing and that is just focus on loving her and things will fall into place.
That I can do pretty easily. Thank you very much!
Did you get the rating?
No I didn't
I'm going to switch to Q& A so you can hit accept the chat is frozen.
Just one last question. How often should I try and talk to her besides hanging out. I have been writing her letter, she loves getting mail. I mean with other forms, such as text or phone conversations. Again with the not wanting to smother her, but trying to giver her the space and time she needs. Also it shows the rating went through on my end let me know.