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Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 969
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
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My partner of almost four years cheated on me and I caught

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My partner of almost four years cheated on me and I caught him and he ended up lying to me that it was a one time thing but the person he cheated with got hold of my phone number and told me that they were together for 8 months ...I believe in second chances and was asking my bf to reconsider his decision ...we stayed month apart and he sent small texts like missing you ...thinking of you etc ....week ago he asked me to give him a chance and he will prove to me that he loves me ..well week is gone and I don't feel love ..he doesn't send me sweet texts as he used to or ask.me how my day goes or anything like that ..usually I always say I love you and I feel like I made it to easy for him because he said that reason he cheated was because I didn't give him attention ....so I started giving him attention and now he says that I am giving him too much and it looks fake and its pushing him away ..but if someone loves someone isn't it good to show that individual that you care about him ...he doesbt reply to.me when I say I love you or miss you etc ...just confused because I don't feel loved at all ....confused why he would want.me back but doesnt want to show me affection or anything ...yet he says he loves me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.


as i said before he texted me this morning and said good morning i ignored the message and didn't reply anything until late afternoon...it breaks my heart to ignore his messages becasue i feel like i should not need to be playing these games and such....i am always afraid that me pulling back he will pull back as well and eventually the relationship desolve






4:11 PM



he texted hii when he got off work and such but for some reason he never seems to ask me how my day is going and such.he always just refers to i hope you have a good day. I was telling him that I had some issues with my lawnmore and didn't have anyone to help me lift it and such and he replied back with...aww you wan't me to come ? Even thou i wanted him to come i declined and told him no thank you anyways for the offer..... I don't know what is going on just confused in my mind how come he doesn't have no interest in my day or asking me anything personal..i feel like its always safe conversations that don't involve asking how my day is going...I always ask him how his day went and he always responds to that but never asks me..






4:16 PM



also his birthday is coming up and when I asked him what he wanted for his bday he said he didn't want anything its just a regular day. I made plans to go to chicago for the weekend and such but then when he told me that everything I was doing was fake and its pushing him away i cancelled the plans and now I am stuck on what I need to do. I feel like I need to do something for his birthday to show him that I care even thou he thinks its just a birthday but then why do all of that if he thinks its fake....i don't know if I should just call him on his birthday and say happy birthday or if I should actually make plans for a dinner or something like that... i feel like i want to do something romantic but if he doesn't say that he loves me or misses me or anything then what is the point of the romantic dinner......how do i approach this birthday issue..any ideas please



Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thats what I think too..... I texted him today and asked him if he wants to talk and that was two hours ago and still no reply....I think he is playing that chasing game and I don't know how long I can do this anymore because I feel like that he is not into me anymore but yet he keeps texting me small talk

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

what does it mean little ...not talk at all entire day and then what ..if i dont text or call him and he reaches out to me what do i say then to him

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

this trying not to reach out and say something to him is much harder then I imagined. Unsure how he can go on daily playing these games..

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i did not say to him anything all friday .it was hard and then i texted him and called and he never replied until few hours later..i dobt know why he is playibg games and i feel like if i dont text or call he doesnt either but when we talk its all perfect except that he never says anything like love you or miss you or plans a date.i asked him what he is doing next weeeknd and he said he was off so of course i asked if he is coming to sre me and he said i can but i made the arrangements etc..itbis so hard when i dont hear from him but i sre now tgat he plays that chasibg gameand i just feel like sendinf him message that its over but then i back out...its his birthday next saturday and i planned a dinner and going to get him a gift but then i asked if he is going to spend the night since he is out of town and he was like i can if you want to because i work the next day and he dont ..ao now i took off but not sure if i should spend the night with him or just go home after plans ..feel lile he is going to think that all i do is fake and i am nuts ....just confused

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i am also startibg to believe that he is doing this to test me or oush me to break up so that he dobt feel guiltyor simething

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I appreciate your help and it was great advise but found out he was still cheating on me and its over..Thank You for your help

Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you ..he ended up cheating on me even after he asked me back and said he loved me and wants life with me ..i found out thru his partner that texted me to leave him alone because they r in bed .and then my ex who said he loved me said sorry and he is selfish and sont know why he cheated on me for years..thats all he said ..nothing else ...just blame myself for loving and trustinf him and allowing him back in my life when he was stilll cheating on me ..just confused why he would chase me back and say i love u miss you but then still cheat on me ..and then i had to find out thru his partner now ..

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Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown
Professor on Writing Sabbatical
375 Satisfied Customers
Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples