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hello I am here
I do not understand why you rated me with bad service why don't you ask your questions, I am here to help you.
Hi I did not mean to...that was accidental
I am sorry
That's ok, you can rate me again after I help you.
Not a problem.
I wanted to know how much of a bearing does the kind of childhood I have had, have on my relationshops
My mother was bipolar, so growing up was not really an easy task
childhood does effect relationships.
Due to the way she behaved, i grew up not having too many friends, and i have been socially awkward
one of my many fears is i might be like my mother
have the same issues
i lost a boyfriend to cancer when i was fairly young
after which i was very hesitant to get into any sort of relationship or form bonds with people
but when i did start working i got close to one of my friends from college
he and i became close and i used to talk to him quite a lot about my family n my fears and about life in general
we went out a couple of times too
one of our common friends for reasons i still dont understand, tried creating problems between us
things were never the same after that
i tried really hard to get things back to how they were
and he grew distant
i kept askin him why things had changed
and he kept saying that he would always be there for me and thing would never change
but after that he moved away to another city for work
and things got even wierder
he would never speak to me or attend to any of my calls, even when he did he sounded distant and kept conversations very formal
but when he was back in town he was his old affectionate self
but a few months ago when i called him up again, he was rude to me
thats when i asked him again what has changed
he said nothing has changed, its just that i has the wrong idea about us all this while
and he was sorry if he ever lead me on
how could it be possible that i never got this vibe from him for two years
did i force my self on him
when i asked him if this was because of the rift between us a year ago, due to the common friend
he said that there was no relationship between us at any point of time
that i conjured it all up on my head
and now i feel terribly lost
Things often change when people have disagreements.
It changes how one sees one another.
but why didnt he let me know of this then, over a year ago
why continue as if nothing had changed
why say things like it was all in my head
if things had changed for him he could have let me know a year ago
why wait to move to another city n then tell me
He might not have wanted you to know how he felt.
I think he knew things changed but he wanted to act like they didn't
It is hard because you opened up to someone who you had a connection.
You told him things about your life and he has helped you in many ways and I am sure you helped him as well.
Now that things have changed he acts like the relationships was never there like he wants to forget how close you once were, the reason is because he is hurt.
Since this friend got between you, it has caused a problem that shouldn't of happened.
Now in order to cover up his feelings he says there was nothing there.
But there was it is almost like he said that to hurt you like he feels you hurt him.
You could talk about this with him over and over again but it will not change things what has happened happened and you can not take it back.
Now what you both need to do is put the past in the past and move forward as friends.
It is almost as if you both have to start again.
I honestly have tried to do that
but the same old questions keep popping into my head
and like you said its the same discussions over and over again
and its like we are stuck at square one
I feel you both should never bring it up again.
When he came to visit it was like old times because you both were reminded how things were, now when he went back he started to remember what happened.
some times i feel i must have taken a wrong turn somewhere, and made a mistake in confiding in the wrong person
yes he always insisted on meeting me alone, i would initially always say no, because it was too painful for me to do that
but he like always he would insist and i would give in
i feel stupid for doing that now
because maybe its easy for him to detached about it
but not for me
i have really tried putting all of the bitter memories behind
when he is away in another city n i feel like i need to talk to him
the last time i called him, he said you cannot call me everytime you think you have a problem
i took that very badly
thats when i knew i could not put up with the situation any more, and said things i maybe shouldnt have
things wont be the same
But you can start again with him
You want to tell him that you know things might never be the same but I del we should put the past behind us and start again.
but thats the thing...i think there is something wrong with me...i somehow cannot
what happened was too painful
i really did try
had a nervous breakdown in the process
*near nervous breakdown
left the job so i didnt have to see him again
i thought that would help
but it didnt
we tried again
to be friends
in the meantime while i was unemployed and tried to get a grip on my self
my mother started having epileptic seizures
and my dad had a stroke n needed to be taken care of
i needed someone to talk to
n when i reached out to him he was uncharacteristically cold
having to take care of two parents who were unwell
n the kind of rejection from him
took a toll on me
his reply to when i started crying was, i thought you were stronger, please find someone else that you can talk to
recently i found out that he has started seeing other people
and i feel like i will never be able to pick up the pieces again
It seems like he just has never got over what happened and he never wanted it to happen again so he shut you out.
I want you to ask him if he still wants to be friends and if you can still come too him when you need him.
well the last time we spoke he was less than nice, not even cold, he was rude, he called me names, to which i replied too,
i had a tough time controlling my temper after that
so i dont think that is going to happen
i just need to know what else i can do to move on
because my self respect does not allow me to ever ask him for help again
but at times just a mention of his name is XXXXX XXXXX put me off balance
i have since started studying
that keeps me occupied
Studying is good to keep your mind off things. what you need is closure.
You want to tell him how you feel and then move on from there.
If you feel you can not fix the friendship then you need to move on and find someone that will accept everything about you.
People have bad days and people get into arguments but a true friend forgives and forgets.
no he is not the sorts to forget , but he does not ever confront a problem either, his motto in life is to ignore a problem until it goes away
and i am the opposite
If you ignore problems they get worse.
i am more upfront
He needed to talk about it in order to solve it.
so i often com across as the more brash,
Being upfront is good.
no he always says everything is fine
and this topic is not up for discussion
those are his only two response modes
It is because people some times do not want to hear the truth but you have to be honest and tell your opinion because you want to always be yourself.
but from the change in his behavior you know that things are not alright at all
So I feel that you are not going to get him to tell you how he feels he just wants to move on from the subject.
i have tried enough n the last argument hit me like a ton of bricks, i never thought i would hear him say such things to me
i am truly exhausted
all i want is it to stop hurting
i have tried the whole time heals everything approach
You now need to heal.
but it seems to be taking way longer thani anticipated :)
you need to understand what happened and go forward.
there is no set time on healing
You need to break things down understand why it happened and move forward.
i want it stop affecting me...like i said i hear his name, i become completely dysfucntional
i cannot work or eat or sleep
People say things out of anger some times it is out of people's control/
all the hurt comes back
It is because it has never got solved.
yes but even though i apologised a hundred times
You need closure
he never did the last time
It is because you still can not fix it
that means he meant what he said
he meant all those words for me
I do not feel he did it was out of hurt and anger
i have even cut my self off from any common friends that we might share
do you think that might help me to move on
is it possible to move on
without him in my life
You could try one more time to solve the problem and if it does not work again it is time to move on.
You can not force someone to forgive
If he does not want to be friends again then you need o move on
The reason why you have this connection with him is because he knows so much about you.
You formed a bond with him, you trusted him with your life.
and he judged me
He judged you and no one should judge you.
Everyone is different in their own way.
People need to accept others. You will find a person that accepts you for you.
I feel like spending so much time with someone that is not treating you right, you might be missing out on someone else that you could form a relationship with.
it sounds strange and cheesy saying it out loud
but i almost have begun to hate him
and that hurts even more
i felt abandoned by him
especially now that he seems to have moved onto other people
and i am still stuck in older memories
This is due to unresolve issues.
It is ok to keep those old memories, and remember the good times, but I feel it is time to make new ones with someone else. Give someone else a chance. there could be someone that wants to get to know you and you might not see it because you are letting someone else take too much of your time. There are things in life that you can fix and then there are things that need time to heal.
due you think maybe someday i might not remember him at all
that seeing him or hearing his name wont have any effect on me at all
because i know he will never make the first move
and i dont want to anymore
so a reconciliation seems out of the picture
i can only hope for it, but it seems futile to do so
Yes, there will come a time when you will forget him once you move on.
i hope so too
i just want all this pain to go away
thank you for hearing me out
It will but it ill take some time. What I want you to do is to just let it go and not try to get an explanation for it. I want you to look at it as it happened and you tried to fix it but he didn't want to solve the problem so it is time to solve it within yourself and move on. You welcome