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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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The never ending saga with Sherry! This morning we were texting,

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The never ending saga with Sherry! This morning we were texting, as we do every morning. I told her to tell Austin good morning for me. She said very sarcastically "He's sleeping Steven, I told you yesterday was his last day of school" I replied..."That's fine sweetheart, I just thought you might look in on him, tell him good-bye, give him a kiss or something before you leave for work" Her reply was..."He is 17, not 7". To which I said..."SO, who cares...I would look in on him and tell him good-bye every day. I would come kiss you good-bye everyday. Does that make me better? No! Just different" She flew off the handle and said that I insinuated she is a bad mother. How F'ed in the head do you have to be to not get what was being said here? Why do they call it "Common Sense" when apparently it isn't all that common? I never insinuated anything, just merely said we do things differently, that's all. Having served in the military and knowing this could be your last time to see your loved ones...yes I would look in on Austin everyday, yes I would kiss Sherry good-bye everyday, but that is just me and I'm neither wrong nor right. That is just my values which I believe I am entitled to. Sherry thinks it is rude of me to wake someone up who is sleeping. Why not let them enjoy their sleep? I said well I guarantee you if you were to ask the survivors of the victims of 9/11 if they could have had one more chance to say "Good-Bye" I promise you none of them would say no I would rather sleep. How do you get by me saying "Does it make me better?, NO Just different" as insinuating that I am saying you are a bad mother? I really do not get that? Is the English language really that hard to comprehend? I'm really starting to wonder what a life with this Bi-Polar woman is going to be like.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
From the perspective of an oversensitive person who sees the negative in everything, it is easy to see how she would interpret that in that way. What happened here is that from the get go, she cued in on the fact that you forgot that she told you yesterday was his last day of school. You were already screwed from that point forward. She has instantly put in her head another proof that you don't listen to her. That set the stage for the rest of the exchange.That triggered her reaction to the rest of it and she feels that instead of clarifying what you meant, you were backtracking. I'm not at all saying she is right here, just interpreting from someone who has a negative outlook on life. She holds a lot of baggage from decisions made in her life, your current dating situation, the fact she has to hide it, the stress of it and your past relationship issues which she has and always will hold onto. Every time she looks at you, she thinks about the lying about the arrows, the new business venture, all of those things she just adds to every day. What happens is, you walk on eggshells trying to cover over all of this stuff to get from one moment to the next with as little confrontation. I have been saying all along, you guys are going to have to reach a point where you just have it all out. All of these things need to be faced and not avoided and swept under the rug. It is escalating and escalating every single day. This is not going to change. She isn't going to wake up tomorrow or next week or next month and decide everything is great with life, she doesn't care who knows about you and your dating, she forgets all about the past and moves forward in a positive and joyous manner. No chance. If I had both of you in front of me, I would bring everything out of both of you and just take everything one at a time and go through it to conclusion. Because I can't do that, you have to get her to that point either on your own or you need to find a counselor convenient to both of you to go face to face and just get all of this out there. You are going to have to do it. I enjoy talking with you often and look forward to it, but all that is happening here is that you have a situation, you ask me who is right or wrong and how you can handle it to avoid confrontation in the future. I don't think this gets you anywhere because you have a member of the team who is not participating and that is Sherry. Unless she gets involved in this, you have no hope. You just don't. I'm just being honest here. You have got to get her involved in fixing these things. It is the only way you are going to make any progress. It's either that or walking away and writing this relationship off and starting over with someone else. She must face this with you. She has to. I would highly recommend finding someone convenient to both of your locations to go and talk to about all of this. Preferably a female counselor because Sherry will feel more comfortable and less like you are ambushing her. You can approach it as though there are problems in the relationship and you don't know how to fix it and want help, so she needs to go to support you and give her insight. If you bring it to her in that way about seeing a counselor, it will seem less like you think she is the problem. A good counselor will be able to get you both to walk through the past and confront the actual issues at hand. I really think it will be the only way because she is not responding to you opening up to asking her what her problem is with this or that. She has to be able to do this. I think you have done a lot to offer solutions to her and she has ignored them so your hands are tied. It's time to get serious about this situation. You are wasting time with her and things aren't going to change unless you make some big time changes.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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