I want to first talk about both of you starting backwards as you have said.
Yes, usually people date, get to know each other and then plan for the future together, get married, have children. But you both have a child
yes we sure do!
I do feel you should give this a chance.
I think he is an amazing guy from what I have learned about him the past few weeks
but he is asking ALOT from me
name change, marriage in a mosque, circumcision
I feel like I give up all this today, well then what's tomorrow?
I think he wants us to be family, and my gut says I want that too, but I barely know him
plus I am learning about a whole new culture, new way of life, it's so different than how I live my life
When it comes to who he is as a person you feel he is an amazing guy. He has certain traditions in his culture as you have described.
yes, certain things that he can't do..i.e, eat pork, drink alcohol, etc.
but all of that isn't all that important to me, I think the real issue is that I don't want to feel like I'm losing my son
I mean, just because "that's the way it is in my culture/religion, etc" doesn't mean that this is how it has to be
Is he willing to accept that you do these things, but is he asking for you to raise your son that way?
well we still have to have "the talk". It's been a hectic couple weeks. He wants to see the baby and spend time with us as much as he can, so it's hard to have real adult talk, let alone talk about these important things
plus I have a feeling he is going to want my son to be muslim, and I'm not religious at all (agnostic maybe, but not religious)
I don't think he cares that I eat pork or occasionally drink thoguh
he seems pretty easy going with some things, but there are these important things (i.e. changing my son's name) that are very important in his culture
it's like your tribe I guess, a name means everything there, where here in the US it isn't so important
I just want to believe that his intentions are true and that he wants to be with ME, and not because we have a son, or that he has a moral obligation
I also believe that he wants to be with you as well. Would you consider changing his name and one thing you should ask him is if you can take your son's first name and put it in the middle, keep your last name and ass his last name.
and I also want to believe that my decisions matter as his mother
actually, its funny you say that, because I decided to take my last name and use it as his middle name
so basically first name, my last name, his last name
and he was totally fine with that
That is perfect.
I have already considered changing the name, and probably will end up giving in
but I guess I want to still that my decisions still matter too
I feel that he has a lot of strong feelings for you and wants to be a family as soon as possible. It is almost like he is getting ready to be a family. He wants to get married, change your son name.
yeah, he does. And maybe this is why I feel so overwhelmed. I haven't seen him for a year, he was out of the country this whole time during my pregnancy, and I did everything on my own. (plus i have to add that there was one other possibility of someone being this baby's father). But I was honest about that and told him that we would do the DNA test once he returned from Egypt. So once it came back positive, he was so happy, he fell in love with my son and now it seems like he wants to be a family. But of course, I don't know him all that well yet, so I just have to trust that his intentions are true
It sounds like he is very excited to be a family with you. Too me it does sound like his intentions are true.
well I hope so, I just have to take it one day at a time....
ok, thank you for your help. If I run into any other issues im having I will talk to you again
so you think I should go through with the name change then?
I know it would make him so happy
Things are moving very fast and it is very easy to get overwhelmed because you have to make many decisions. He has just entered back in your life and you also had the dan testing where things were unsure, now that everything is set into place, he is now there with you. I do feel you should go through with the name change.
I feel this is a start of you both having a great family together.
ok thank you so much!!!
If you start to get overwhelmed with decisions just tell him you need some more time to think things over. He will understand. He knows that he is asking for many things at once.
Please accept my answer.