Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective
I believe that I can help.
Leaving your wife for another woman was an act that has caused a great deal of disruption in your life, with friends, family, but not with this woman, your wife, whom you call an angel.
No doubt it was a very strong infatuation, but it was not totally satisfying to you.
If you did go through with the divorce, you would lose a wonderful partner, and destroy or weaken many of your primary relationships.
Some true romantics would say that anything is worth the cost of true love, but this love may not have had the staying power of your marriage, and in the long run when the infatuation weakens, the resentment might overwhelm the relationship and then you would be a very sorrowful (but wiser) person.
Your wife is comforting you every night. I'm sure that your sadness must hurt her and you must grow past this. You will never replace her, it seems.
I recommend two ways in which you can help to get past this and restore your relationship.
The first is to get this formidable guide to getting over breakups and using it to get past your desire to go back to her:
The second it to find a therapist who can just help you to find your ultimate choice and stick to it.
A therapist of great wisdom and experience, particularly with an existential orientation, if you can find such a therapist, would be idea.
You must make the decision for yourself and stick to it, and if you need outside help to do that, then I urge you to get it.
You might search on www.psychologytoday.com
I wish you great strength and resolve in seeing this through. I shall keep you in my prayers to that end.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC