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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My wife and I have no kids. We share a passion for volleyball,

Customer Question

My wife and I have no kids. We share a passion for volleyball, which we both like to play a lot. My family adores her. After the initial split, a lot of her friends, family, and even my family dislike me deeply. We could both support ourselves financially. My wife is one of the few angels, truly good people, out there.

The other girl does not share my love for volleyball, but absolutely shares my love of reading and video games. We are passionate and while we argue, we communicate well and rarely yell. We have been blunt with each other about the realities of this situation, which hurts, but we thought it was necessary if we were to ever work. As I said, we lived together for a month. I was unhappy, but I was SO pre-occupied with thoughts of my other life (my wife had told me to leave but did not follow through with divorce papers because she wanted me to be 1000% sure this is what I wanted; she then took me back when I came home, which I think I did without exploring the possibilities with this other girl...). After ending things with this other girl, I wake up crying every night and my wife is there to comfort me through it all. I don't know what to do. I know my wife and I could be happy if this girl had never been around, but now...she has opened my eyes to a different life, a life that has potential to be great. Do I leave for that, or do I stay, knowing my wife will ALWAYS, WITHOUT QUESTION, be there to love me, take care of me, and pick me up when I fall. Any advice would be so welcome. My heart aches...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

Leaving your wife for another woman was an act that has caused a great deal of disruption in your life, with friends, family, but not with this woman, your wife, whom you call an angel.

No doubt it was a very strong infatuation, but it was not totally satisfying to you.

If you did go through with the divorce, you would lose a wonderful partner, and destroy or weaken many of your primary relationships.

Some true romantics would say that anything is worth the cost of true love, but this love may not have had the staying power of your marriage, and in the long run when the infatuation weakens, the resentment might overwhelm the relationship and then you would be a very sorrowful (but wiser) person.

Your wife is comforting you every night. I'm sure that your sadness must hurt her and you must grow past this. You will never replace her, it seems.

I recommend two ways in which you can help to get past this and restore your relationship.

The first is to get this formidable guide to getting over breakups and using it to get past your desire to go back to her:

Product Details

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott JD MEd

 

The second it to find a therapist who can just help you to find your ultimate choice and stick to it.

 

A therapist of great wisdom and experience, particularly with an existential orientation, if you can find such a therapist, would be idea.

 

You must make the decision for yourself and stick to it, and if you need outside help to do that, then I urge you to get it.

 

You might search on www.psychologytoday.com

 

I wish you great strength and resolve in seeing this through. I shall keep you in my prayers to that end.

 

Warm regards,

 

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

This is such generic feedback... :/ I mentioned how I dislike counsellors and they didn't seem to work; why would you then recommend another counsellor?

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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