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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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How do I get this guy to chase me again.

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How do I get this guy to chase me again. He used to call and text constantlty, and yes we keep in contact but for the last 2 or 3 days I felt like I have been chasing him. I just recently told him about my cold sores, and he replied that he still really like but I feel because I told him this everything has changed between us.. Any thoughts? No we had not had sex but before this he was considering me being his girlfriend. I do like him a lot but now I am starting to wonder if I show stop texting him and eventually block his number if he does not show any more interest soon.


Deardebra :

I would not block his number.

Deardebra :

I feel this is a new start in a relationship and the relationship even though it is early goes through stages.

Deardebra :

Some times a guy can come on strong with texting, phone calls and then once they see a woman show interest then tend to not chase as much.

Deardebra :

I think at this point you want to just pull back a little and let him come too you.

Deardebra :

This relationship is knew and if he is interested he will contact you to see how you are doing if he does not hear from you. He will begin to wonder where you are and why you have not texted.

Deardebra :

If someone is always texting and calling and then all of a sudden they stop the person will start checking the phone wondering where the person is and why they stopped.

Deardebra :

So now you want to let him text you first. Give him some time to text you.

Customer:

ok..i will stop texting or calling for a few days and see how long it will take him to respond. Should I not mention about us geeting together for a datwe till he says so.

Deardebra :

I would just wait one day on texting and I would not mention any plans until he suggests going out. He might have trouble

Deardebra :

setting plans.

Deardebra :

Once he figures out a day or night to make a plan I feel he will ask you again.

Deardebra :

I think he just assumes you are going to keep texting him, so I feel he will begin to worry if he does not hear from you. But you do not have to wait two days.

Deardebra :

You can wait one full day and night.

Deardebra :

Then you can check in saying you have been busy. Then he will ask you what have you been doing because he will want to know what kept you from texting him.

Customer:

ok..so you feel 2 days is too long

Customer:

ok..I can wait til Wednesday

Customer:

do you believe he will contact me bacause when he had his kids he did contact unless i contact

Customer:

him

Customer:

probably wait till wed evening

Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
When he has the kids I feel he is fully focused on them and it would be hard to watch them and text or call. Wednesday evening would be good, but you might here from him. If he contact you first then it is fine to respond because he contacted you first. You want him to now get to know you and ask you questions about your life. You want him to now share in your life and the way to do that is for him to understand you are there but he needs to still impress you. I think he will get worried and begin to panic that you are losing interest if he doesn't hear from you.
Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


So far you have been great with your advice. He did contact me by text that night and said he missed me and wanted to know if he could come over and cuddly. I wanted him too but I told him the baby was sick and that night will not be good. he did called that night and said that's fine because he had a bad experience with a baby before and told I should take of work and take care of the baby the next day. My daughter has ashma and she is doing better, but honestly I have a bartholin cyst and I would be embarrassed if something ter about if something happens and he see's this. I did called the docter and he suggest hot bath 2 times a day and see if will reduce the puffiness and if it gets painful or usually big to make a appointment. The next day called around 3 pm and said I have not heard from you today how are you doing? I just responded I was busy at work but I can talk a few minutes. We talked and the phone called ended, so I text him and told him you can call me at my work number when you are done and he does but he replies "what up". I texted him that night and say hey handsome , and he response hey baby. Now I am stuck how do I approach the conversation if he ask to come over again and my bartholin cysyt does not go down, and do I need to text him again, or wait from him to call me?

I hope your daughter is feeling better and that the swelling has gone down on your cyst. When it comes to loving someone there are things that happen out of people's control. This is why when someone loves and cares for you, having certain problems will not even phase them. I would have him over and explain that you have a cyst but you called your doctor and he told you what to do. I am sure he will be very understanding. If you keep saying no not to come over he will begin to wonder why you do not want to see him. He might get the wrong impression. It is best to tell the truth always. You do not want to keep him guessing. This relationship is going great it is forming correctly. The nice comments, the texts him contacting you. It sounds too me like he has hit the comfort zone and is very excited about this relationship. Make sure you listen to the doctor about the hot baths so that you can get better. This way you will be more comfortable with him coming over. You both are making a great connection.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Ok..so do I continue to let him persuade me for as texting or calling or do I text or call him today and what to say if I do? I will let him come over next time, he wanted to come over by 12 midnight thought cause he works over night. I was a bit nervous too. I have to get up by 5:45 am the next day , but I remembered him saying he would leave before the baby gets up by 6 or 6:30 am.

He is doing so good in contacting you and I feel it is because he is more focus because it is the middle of the week it is his time where I feel he is more relaxed to text and have a conversation. He wants to see you, so I would wait just a little bit to see if you hear from him and look at your texts when he texted you on his own, some times people seem to text at the same times or close to it. When you do contact him if you do not hear from him you want to tell him about your daughter because he will be concerned if she is feeling better. So give him an update on how she is doing. Then you want to ask him how he is doing. He might not ask to come over because you said no the first time, but now you can either say he can come over or drop a hint. You can say now you can come over my daughter is feelings much better now. You could invite him over for dinner. I would now make a plan to see him.
Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you