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Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 945
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
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Lied to my girlfriend about having my ex mother of my child

Customer Question

Lied to my girlfriend about having my ex mother of my child living with me while she got her feet back together. Lied to her multiple occasions when she knew otherwise I finally confessed. Finally was able to get a two hour conversation where she expresses all her feelings taking the love out the picture to get a clear picture of what happened. Now she says shes ready to put back the love back into it. After a two hour conversation She told me that I should be over at her house last night but because of my actions I'm not. She wants me over but does not want to give into physical wants she doesn't want to only be half in. On her down time she would always spend it with me in the past I want it to get to that point again walk before I run I always say I'm not the forcer but yet we both played around with the whole should I invite him/her to an event with the children building up to the full on family meet ups feeling like this is happening all over again. I told her if I had to start everything from day one again I would not hesitate if it meant the relationship would be saved or the beginning of a friendship again since all of our moments through out have started for us in moments of self individual reflection and have grown to relationship and unspoken potential marriage in the future for both of us. She mentioned to me last night that someone came up to her and told her that if your married your husband is a lucky man and he should always love you and know what he has. I believe shes hinting at what she sees as well for our future. The only piece that has me thinking is that she said that why if I knew this I would lie to her and risk us not sure how to respond to that comment. Its like if you knew we are great and we could handle anything why would you risk everything with that lie if you loved me so much why risk our love. She is commenting that for love would she compromise where she stands as far as no lying in a relationship making her feel lesser. I told her that Ive been feeling everything shes feeling and that I would not take it as her being less but understand her feelings and respect them. She told me that how do you rebuild a snow ball of our relationship once its been tainted with the lie does she really want to re-build or continue on where we left off she wants to not hold anything in her back pocket to use against me and wants to be fully in either way sharing her thoughts during her self expressive state is a huge accomplishment I feel. I know she loves me and wants to make things better just a matter of time shes graduating moving to another city I was part of her plan through out painting the picture of family with one lie that tainted us for this moment right now.
Her comments: its amazing what each day brings. The beauty in the ugly, the ugly in the beauty...what does that mean interpretation ?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 1 year ago.
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Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 1 year ago.
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Dr. Norman Brown
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Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples