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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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what should i do about my boyfriend who ask me out once a week

Customer Question

what should i do about my boyfriend who ask me out once a week and may call once or twice during the week but it's not like it use to be. We did more things together and he would particapate in that. He lost his wife 5 years ago started to date me 9 months after she was gone. I feel he dated me too soon but he claimed at the time he was ready and now he's pulling away from me an claims he feel guilt about the lost of his wife and of me. I'm not sure what I should do, either stay with it and let him do what he needs to do or just stop seeing him.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.

I am sorry what is happening if your relationship. Since he started dating so soon after his wife passed he may have not been as ready as he had thought. He could have been in denial and suppressed his feelings in order to move on and now everything is coming to surface.

It really is up to you how long you want to wait for him to figure everything out. This depends on how he treats you, the possible potential, and the love you both share. I would sit down and discuss with him in regards to how he sees the future and what his goal from all this is. This will give you a good understanding as to if there is a good sign of things to change in the future.

Yes, we need to be with our partner through ups and downs in a relationship and no relationship or person is perfect. However, if he is not sure about the entire relationship in general this is a huge factor.

I would definitely communicate a lot about this to him in order to see where it is going. From there you will be able to make a decision as to which way you want to go. Along with his responses I would take into consideration your feelings for him and how long you are willing to wait. Putting all of this together will help you make the right decision for yourself.

Another option would be for him to go to counseling in order to help himself with this issue if he is willing. Couples counseling also can help since it can help put aside his distorted view that is filled with guilt and help him to move on in order to not risk loosing you and can help build back your relationship. If you both want to save the relationship then I would say its worth a try.

Overall if he is not giving you what you need in the relationship and he is unwilling to communicate or work at it then it may be time to move on.

I wish you all the best, but please do not hesitate to reply if you have any further questions or need clarification.

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