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askcounselor, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 102
Experience:  I am a licensed clinical mental health therapist.
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Im 26 and been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. Everythings

Customer Question

I'm 26 and been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. Everything's been great. But recently I lost my job and have been really sick. I took a pregnancy test but it was negative. I didn't get any better and my boyfriend took me to The doctors. The doctor gave me a pregnancy test and he said it was positive. I couldn't stop crying. I want to be with my boyfriend no matter what. But this is really bad timing. If this happened a year ago I would've had more savings. I feel different emotions. I felt angry I'm supposed to be happy, but I've lost my job and want to go back to school. Plus ive had bad morning sickness. My boyfriend wants to keep it and would support me. I feel angry at myself for not taking more precaution. And my boyfriend was told years ago, that he wouldn't have kids. I couldn't decide about having kids before. It seems people only regret it when they're older and can't. I couldn't find anything on the Internet where the man wanted it.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  askcounselor replied 2 years ago.

askcounselor :

Good morning, and I am here to assist you with your question. There are many elements to your situation, but if I may break it down to small pieces we can deal with them one by one. First off, the very main question is how your health is and how you are doing with any medical issues, concerns or problems. You are the most important person in this equation, and your health and well-being will determine how you feel about any situation. Secondly, your plans for the future must be considered as well. Since this pregnancy was unexpected, there are always so many changes that a baby would bring about that you are most definitely in the right place to feel a bit overwhelmed. There is also your emotions, feelings and thoughts about becoming a mother in general that take time to process and explore. So, for now, give yourself some time and be patient with yourself -- everyone goes through this process of feeling uncertain and uncomfortable about what lies in the future when finding out about their pregnancy.

JACUSTOMER-i7anrn10- : My boyfriends mother said this should be the happiest time of my life. But I just feel depressed and I hate not working. I'm tired of living on a tight budget at this age. The doctor suggested I'm 7-8 weeks along so I feel I don't have a lot if time to decide. I've cried so much. I'm worried about trying to have a career and independence. It seems everything turns bad after having a baby? I couldn't find anything where the man wanted to keep it, but the woman wasn't sure
askcounselor :

Only you can answer tough questions such as this one -- and I believe that you might wish to turn to a professional in order to talk about your plans for the future and the choices that you have. Perhaps you could seek out someone who is removed from the family in order to get some objective feedback. Or, you may wish to schedule a counseling session with someone who can listen while you express everything that is on your mind. I think that with a third party listener, you can really sort out what is important for you at this time. The last thing I suggest is to talk to other young women like yourself who have had uncertain feelings at the beginning of a pregnancy, I know that there are some feelings that you will find you have in common with them. Hope that this was helpful! Please rate this answer since it lets me know that I have been of assistance. Thank you!

JACUSTOMER-i7anrn10- : I'm not sure of anyone else in a similar experience. My cousins wives/ girlfriends have kept theirs. But they weren't unemployment I think. They'd ask why I want to know and then I'd have to tell them. Where can I go for help?
askcounselor :

Go back to the doctor who gave you the pregnancy test and talk to him or her. I know that if the MD is a caring professional, you can expect only good advice.

JACUSTOMER-i7anrn10- : I don't know if I ask relatives, if they can keep it a secret or not. They live far away and I don't see them often at all
askcounselor :

Go back to the doctor; get more advice and think about it! And if you do not mother the baby, you may consider placing it for adoption! We all have difficult decisions to make in life, but do not act hastily on this one!

askcounselor :

Please rate my answer so I know that I have been of assistance. Thank you!

JACUSTOMER-i7anrn10- : I'm already about 7-8 weeks, if not more
askcounselor :

I hope that you do well and I wish you ONLY the best!

JACUSTOMER-i7anrn10- : Long story short, I went to a different doctor because I've moved. And the old one is far away. This new one I went too only gave me abortion information. Not even counseling. For the price he charged I felt ripped off. I didn't even get an ultra sound. Also I'm on a tight budget which really doesn't help when it comes to seeing therapists.
JACUSTOMER-i7anrn10- : However I did want to marry my boyfriend anyway long before this anyway. I'd feel bad if this could be my only chance to have a child. Especially these days
askcounselor :

Sounds like a good plan to marry and everything else will make more sense then as well...Again, good luck to you and please don't forget to give a positive rating to me. It is the way I know I have been of help and also the way in which I am compensated!

JACUSTOMER-i7anrn10- : I don't know what to do
askcounselor :

I suggest that you talk with your boyfriend and fiancee in order to sort out your feelings. Both of you can discuss your feelings and come to an understanding of what to do.

askcounselor :

Please rate my answer so that I know that I have been of assistance and so I may be compensated. Thank you!

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