Hi Kate, thx so much for your quick reply. Just a little further info on this; I have a very close relationship with my sister-in-law Brenda, who is my deceased husband Ron's sister; she and I email every day and talk about 1x wk. She is first cousins with Doug.
She also has no desire whatsoever to attend reunions, and totally understands how I feel. My son (Ron was his dad) feels the same way. Brenda has told me that Doug has been calling her and saying he misses Ron the old days, he's in a lot of pain and talking about suicide. I said I think he needs professional help, but its no longer my business.
Kate McCoy Hi kate, I appreciated your advice, it helped a lot. Some other experts in the past have said, I should try to "reunite" Ron's family (inc. his daughters, other son and my son). I have always thought, b.s. - thats not my job.
Anyway, a bit of a follow up. I have not heard further from Doug (since the last thing he emailed was "f*$k you" I didn't expect to; and I have no plans to contact him at this time). However he did contact Brenda, mainly to complain about his health problems, and his suicidal feelings. Brenda and I are still in touch, we always have a lot to talk about (other than Doug! she just became a great grandma). My son Harrison is FB friends with Doug, but H has said to me, Don't worry about that stuff mom - they're not even your family. H has not liked the way Doug has tried to push a relationship with his bio half-sisters on him. Anyway, not sure what specific ? I have for you, just do you have any thoughts about all this. thx, chh
Hi Kate, one final thought before I go ahead and OK the payment. I agree that Doug seems to hate rejection, but he really seems to dig conflict!!!!! Last year he had a huge email fight w/Brenda, and recently he angrily deleted/blocked H's bio sisters from his FaceBook, after making a huge big deal to reunite with them.. He said he's "tired of reaching out to people, and getting kicked in the teeth." Frankly I'm sick of the guy, and tired of being polite to him. And you're right, I do try to understnad Doug's behavior, I just try not to obsess too much.
I credit my previous involvement in th 12step program (I was there for codependency: Ron was an alcoholic/addict, so was him mom and Doug's mom too). to being able to detach and handle this stuff calmly. But the opinion of a qualified person such as yourself really helps. Pls. let me know if you have any final thoughts, before I go ahead with the payment and tip.. thx, chh