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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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I have a question about a text message I sent to my ex bf.

Customer Question

I have a question about a text message I sent to my ex bf. We were supposed to meet for hangout session and he couldn't meet up due to last minute work and apologized for being stuck. I live in CA and he lives in IL ...I was there for some work purposes and decided to hit him up. Its been 6 months since our breakup and we are on cordial terms. He never received my text msg confirming our meeting for coffee due to connection issues in our services. Anyways, after he apologized for being inflexible and hoped that i wasnt upset... I sent him the following text message and was wondering if it is rude? "I am not upset. No expectations from a first year medical student...its understandable. Next time dont hesitate to text me to ask if I got your message or not...instead of waiting for a week! :) Have a good one!" What do you think?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

Based on that text it sounds to be like you were understanding in the first half, but then in the second half it sounds like you were upset because he waited a week to see if you got his message. The second half sounded sarcastic, so I would not call it rude, but I would call it a sarcastic message. Since you were being nice, but with an underlying message showing you were upset. You were not straight out rude, so this is why I would call it sarcastic since it seems it was intentional. This is what I would think if I had received that message.

Please let me know if I can be of further help.

All the best,
Jen
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I see you were not happy with my answer. I do not understand because I gave you my honest opinion. You asked if it was rude and I answered. I always like to give my clients truthful answer whether good or bad because I want to truly help. If I misunderstood something please clarify, so I can have the opportunity to correct myself. I would not want you to be unsatisfied, but I owe it to all my clients to be honest.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
After reading your text again I see that you did not mean your text in a bad way. Text can be very deceiving and without knowing you I am just basing my opinion on that one text. It can sound nice, but the way you said "Next time dont hesitate to text me to ask if I got your message or not...instead of waiting for a week! :) Have a good one!" Sounds like it could come across as being sarcastic. However, if you are not that type of person and your ex knows this then he may not see it as sarcastic. Like I said texts can be tricky and it is important to know the person as well as the situation to get the correct meaning of the message.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
I would like to respond to your question since you rated the other Expert poorly. It would appear to me that your message was an honest reflection of how you truly felt about the situation. You had hoped to hangout, but accepted the fact that it didn't happen. The 2nd half of your message appears to be about trying to educate your ex about the reliability of texting and the need to double check when you are unsure if an important message was delivered. As we all have experienced with texting, the absence of emotional cues, body language, and vocals leaves the door open for misinterpretation. Still, I think the message is rather straight forward. I'm not upset. In the future, it would be good to check to see if the text was received.
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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Dr. L
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Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.