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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My husband is narcissistic, a pathological liar and has told

Customer Question

My husband is narcissistic, a pathological liar and has told our children all of their lives that I'm a terrible Mom and wife, that I'm crazy and delusional, etc. Our marriage counselor tried to set him straight but he wouldn't listen. The devaluing and demeaning of me is still going on and now my children won't even talk to me because they believe their Father. What should I do to help my children see the truth?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

You husband sounds as if he is a narcissist and a great manipulator. He is not a pathological liar, but rather a sociopathic liar who lies to manipulate others.

These con-artists (narcissists) are sociopaths because they are incapable of feeling remorse or feeling the pain and suffering of others.

They control other for their own gratification (it is called narcissistic supply and they need it in the same way as a vampire needs blood).

Narcissists always manipulate therapists and always choose victims who they can control. Being co-dependent is his ideal victim.

You can only convince your children by no longer falling for your husband's tricks. Do not allow him to draw you into any fights or arguments. Resist passively and with a smile, as best you can.

Let him get angy, let him try to provoke. It is up to you to resist.

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

All of our children are adults and don't live at home any longer so how can I convince them of their father lies, manipulations, narcissistic spin on things, etc.? It's as if our children are in a trance, believing everything their father says and treat me as the "bad parent". They won't talk to me or let me see them or my Grandchildren. Also, two of our children have depression like their father(he refuses to go back on his meds!), and two others are married to men who have depression or are Bi-Polar. There is such a long history of mental disorders in our family. My husband's mother was also narcissistic and had depression and his brother has depression. His mother spoke horribly about me and her other daughter-in-law behind our backs for many years and my husband believes the lies.


I have been gathering 100% concrete proof of some of his lies to present to a new therapist. Do you think it will help our children understand if the therapist tells them of their father's narcissism? Would they even believe it? Also, being abused for 35 years has been extremely hard on my health. I developed arthritis, fibro-myalgia, an ulcer and acid reflux, IBS, condochondritis and chronic fatigue in my late 20's and have had heart problems for the past 10 years. All of this while he is in robust health! It's true that the narcissist remains healthy while destroying his supply victim! Unfortunately, since I am not his supply any longer(because I am standing up for myself) he is using our children as his supply. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I believe they help tremendously. I also have quite a group of friends that understand what I'm going through and are a great support to me.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Pam,

Thank you so much for your very articulate and well-informed letter.

I understand how difficult this is for you when you are facing children who have basically been brainwashed by a very clever con-man.

Having proof of his lies may not be effective on people who are in denial about the truth. If you do have documented proof, rather than just the word of your therapist, then bundle it together with a brief neutral note stating that you would just like them to look at these documents, highlighting the specific parts you would like then to see, and let them decide for yourself.

Send a copy to each person that you want to see this so that one person does not control it.

You are fighting an uphill battle. Do your best but do not expect that this will guarantee victory. You need to try, however. Once you do this it will be easier to get a bit of closure for the moment. Sometimes the truth takes time to be realized.

Continue to rely upon your support group of friends who are behind you.

I shall continue to keep you in my prayers. You are a remarkable and strong women and I pray for your continued strength and ultimate success.

Warm regards

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much, Pam. May God bless you.

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I will take your advise wholeheartedly on how to approached my children. I also try very hard to do things in a non accusatory way although these problems will be accusatory. I will still in the "blame" stage for a while but hope to get out of it soon. I also am trying to not fall for his traps and have been successful most of the time lately. I am just a normal person fighting abnormal problems and take each day at a time. I stay very busy which helps me a lot. If you want to see that I am a real and busy person, in spite of my medical limitations, you can find me on Facebook- Pamela Gygi Hamill. Thanks for your help and God bless!

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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