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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1354
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Dr. Paige, I am wondering if you could help me out here. My

Customer Question

Dr. Paige, I am wondering if you could help me out here. My husband and I have been married almost 15 years now and although our relationship as far as communication goes has gotten soo much better that when we started out our physical relationship has dwendled to the point where he only wants to have sex maybe once a month. Can you give me any idvice on this subject?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you Dr. Paige, I have asked him to go to his Dr about this and he says that he will eventually but he is not going. I have wondered about the Testosterone level since he is now almost 41. I also know that stress is most likely a large part of the problem because he is not happy at his job, we have our youngest daughter of 4 graduating this month and going off to college in August and we both are still suffering over the loss of our middle daughter who we lost a year ago in January in a car accident. I am trying to be patient and supportive but it is really hard.


 


Months back I spoke to him and told him how I felt and asked him if there was something that I had done. He told me that I had let myself go and that after a while he found that I wasn't attractive anymore. I know he is right about that because I have health problems and was very depressed about not being able to do what I wanted to and gained to 187lbs. I have since started going to a weight Dr. however and have lost down to 152. I am making sure that I try and dress up for him and put on makeup and show him that I care about our relationship but it seems that he is not willing to take that extra step to find out what the problem is. This is very frustrating for me because I want to be close to him and our sex life is something that I miss a lot.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

The weight loss has been great for me although I did start on it for him in the beginning. Having lost so much weight has made me feel so much better in spite of my health issues. I just feel like he and I are about to start out in a new chapter of our lives and I don't feel that we are doing it as husband and wife. Don't get me wrong, I love him and I truly believe that he loves me as well but there is just something "missing". I don't even think it is just the sex to be honest. He just doesn't seem to SEE ME anymore. When we are together he is always watching tv or playing a game on his phone while we are talking. We discuss things and he seems to hear me but I don't FEEL as if he is paying attention to me.


 


He just seems to have changed soo much and some of the changes are good. He has learned to "bend" when it comes to finances which we did not see eye to eye on AT ALL for many years of our marriage, he has started to take more time for our children and that was a much needed step. But it just seems that he doesn't have much care or want to do anything for himself or me. He comes home from work and sits in front of the tv watching it and/or playing games on his phone until it is time to go to bed and on weekends he does much the same except he doesn't go to work-just sits there all day. He tells me that he doesn't have any energy and that he just doesn't have the WANT to do anything. I believe you are right in that it is a medical issue but I do not know how to get him to change it and I NEED him to.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
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