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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1817
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My neighbors called this afternoon and I picked up the phone

Resolved Question:

My neighbors called this afternoon and I picked up the phone as the answering machine picked up the call. I called them back and left a message to call me because I just missed the call. They did not call back today. I usually call them every other day and tomorrow is my day to call. I would have just called back today if I were them, I feel I should be certain when is too often to call. Can you tell me if some steps have been missed in this relationship? Or is it something I should know from past experience? Isn't that kind of a weak basis for a relationship, how can it be strengthened as it is important? I have had a cousin who did not like so many emails and my sister did not like talking to me on the phone, when nothing was really wrong. What to do if people won't tell you how they feel or if they like my cousin and sister do not want to relate to you or seem too picky when there isn't anything wrong or don't bother to relate in an effective manner, there is a lot of effort but maybe they don't know how to connect or think they don't and just do better with others, I don't know what it is. What is it? Need to add this: I am thinking about


whether to call them tonight if I don't hear from them,


or wait until tomorrow. Normally I would be able to


just call or not and know, but I have had some


experience with people who do not do that like


I have always thought. I would always call more or


call back...etc.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra : I would call back tomorrow and leave a message that you missed their call.
Deardebra : You want to keep open lines of communication either them. Tomorrow is your day to call so you want to call.
Deardebra : Some times people have trouble telling others how they feel.
Deardebra : while others have no problem expressing themselves.
Deardebra : you want to always be open and honest on how you feel and then the person might also tell you how they feel.
Deardebra : Some people do not always know how to connect with others because they might be shy
Deardebra : peopleshy people some times do not know how to express how much a friendship means too them.
Deardebra : Some people would rather talk on the phone while others might prefer to text or email.
Deardebra : If this is a new friendship that will take time to connect.
Deardebra : people need time to adjust to having someone new in their lives.
Deardebra : if this has been a long term relationship already them that just might be their personality. Some times people seem like they are not connecting but it is just their personality.
Deardebra : I feel that if there was any problems they just would stop calling all together. They would be avoiding calling, they are not doing that, they called but you were not able to answer. They might have not called back right away because they are busy.
Deardebra : i am sure they are tryng to set aside time for you.
Deardebra : Some times people need more time to make that special connection.
Deardebra : once they know that you are going to be there they might realize that they have a wonderful friendship with you.
Deardebra : Every friendship builds trust.
Deardebra : i would continue to make a connection.
Deardebra : i am sure they appreciate your friendship.
Deardebra : i would call them tomorrow.
Customer:

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX say that in a normal relationship the person/people would just call back to

Customer:

say what it was or leave a message and say that they needed to talk later? Should

Customer:

something have happened other than what did, I am assuming that it

Customer:

maybe did not have to, but what is it?

Customer:

If they are really busy, can people be too busy for that, are they usually, any suggestions about

Customer:

how to keep from having the calling be a problem? They already said it was OK, but

Customer:

any way to insure it is, is this all in your answer earlier? If so, good, then any

Customer:

suggestions on how to build trust?

Deardebra :

Not always, some times people do not leave any messages because they just have intentions on calling back, so they don't leave a message. Some times people just do not like leaving messages, they would just rather call back.

Deardebra :

I feel you handled things very well.

Deardebra :

Some times people are so busy they have trouble just sitting down to have a conversation. People work long hours or they have so many things they have to catch up on some times making time is hard. People often set time aside these days like actually setting time aside to call people back.

Deardebra :

They had said it was ok, so that means everything is fine.

Deardebra :

Yes, You can build trust by being there and listening to things that are going on in there life even if it is something small.

Deardebra :

People often like to talk about things that are going on in there life and giving positive messages is always a good thing to help them and be supportive of what is going on in their lives.

Deardebra :

It shows them that you care.

Deardebra :

and that you want to share in their lives.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1817
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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