How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I was seeing someone off and on for 14 years that would never

This answer was rated:

I was seeing someone off and on for 14 years that would never commit to any kind of relationship and was around only once in a while because he's a truck driver. I have never been introduced to any of his family and he never took me out until the last couple years. In the meantime, I met another man and started seeing him while not seeing the other. I almost felt as if the one was giving me what the other was not emotionally. The 2nd man became very possesive and verbally abusive so I turned back to the old standby. Needless to say - I have a real mess now. Am I correct in just getting away from them both even though I'm emotionally attached to the abusive one? My life is turned upside down right now. I am 52 years old and I should be smarter then this.

jenhelant :

Hi, I am sorry about what you are going through and I understand how tough it can be when stuck in the middle. In my opinion you should definitely not stay with the abusive one. That can never be good and is very dangerous. I would run from that. Now in regards XXXXX XXXXX other I would take it for what it is. If you were not satisfied with him and felt inclined to look elsewhere and also tried living together and it didn't work then maybe it might be time to move on from him as well. I would think about if you truly want to make it work with him or not then go from there. However, based on the circumstances you both have been seeing each other a long time and if you still have not gotten the relationship you want from him then it may be time to let him go as well. I know how hard it seems now, but the first step is always the hardest and I would start with cutting the abusive one off asap to protect yourself. Time will really heal you from this situation and you will be able to move on with your life. The best thing you can do is take steps in the right direction and taking one decision at a tim. I wish you all the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.


Why am I so attached to the abusive one though.


he's not physically abusive just possessive to the point that he tape records me and takes my phone and calls people that are on my cell phone

Jen Helant and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

You may be attached to the abusive one because he is more of challenge. This happens to many woman. They try to conquer the difficult man in order to try and change him. It could be also because it keeps things exciting since some may tend to want things that are not always good especially when the person makes them feel good in other ways.

Related Relationship Questions