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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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I recently got married but my feelings and love for my exhusband

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I recently got married but my feelings and love for my exhusband have developed so much and I want my old life back . I'm in search of finding answers but all the answers I find point to my ex husband .

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been practicing couples therapy for over 20 years. I am happy to respond to your question. It sounds like you may have remarried prematurely as you still have unresolved feelings for your ex-husband. We cannot move on with a new life until we have said good-bye to the old. In any event, you are certainly in a difficult and tense situation, living with a new husband and still being in love with your former one. I am sure you realize that this is not only stressful on you but very unfair to your new husband. I assume he does not know of your feelings for your ex. If you continue the way things are, it will soon become too stressful for you. Your other options are to tell you husband of your feelings for you ex which could result in the end of your marriage. The other, which I recommend, is to stop seeing your ex for a month, no contact at all. During that time seek counsel from a therapist (or perhaps your minister) and sort through your feelings for both men. You must care for your husband or you would not have married him. You may be suffering from "the grass is always greener" feelings. So I recommend a "time out" from your ex to make sure you truly do love him and not your husband. I hope this is helpful. Chat back if you need anything further. Take care, Eleanor

Customer: UThank you so much for the idea of talking to a couselor or my Priest . I am going to make some kind of arrangement with my Prist .
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi Elenor ! Well I was told by a therapist to follow my heart ! And that all the things you had told me are very true . Also the feelings and love are so much more sincere and there all the time with me . I talked with my husband now about everything and he wants me to give him a chance . The only thing is that I'm not liking this . I do believe in chances but if your not happy or liking it what's the use in it ?

Hello again, good to hear back from you. I am pleased that you have seen a therapist and shared your feelings with your husband. You cannot force yourself to love or stop loving someone. If you truly do not have loving feelings for your husband and do not want to be married to him, then you are correct, there is not much point in giving him a chance; he really has no chance and you will simply be prolonging his agony. Your therapist is correct, only you know your own heart and who you truly love; you must be true to yourself. Hope this helps, Tami. Chat back if you have any questions. Take care, Eleanor

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