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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have a friend whom Ive known for 12 years. We actually

Resolved Question:

I have a friend whom I've known for 12 years. We actually shared an office together for a while. We have great phone conversations and text conversations. Last year she confided in me that she has OCD. I don't know if she is on any meds for this. We've gone out as friends a few times. She recently invited me out with her for her daughter's birthday dinner. Two days later she invited me and my two kids to go with her and her mom and daughter to a baseball game. Since that game she has shut down on me and she did the same thing last year. I really like her a lot and would love to take this to the next level. Is this a lost cause?? How do go about letting her know about my feelings?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this situation. OCD could truly deeply undermine a person's mood, life and relationships.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have shared with this person for several years and it seems you were able to truly enjoy those times and get to a point of mutual trust, just undermined by her OCD problem.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If this is the second time the same scenario happens , where she withdraws from you this fast, it could be her own OCD or other personal problems fueled by anxiety pushing her not to feel comfortable but panicking when feeling to close to you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please describe what you mean when saying she has "completely shut you down?"

Customer:

This happened last year where she would not respond to my texts or even return a phone call. We reconnected back in January and have been non stop with the texting and phone calls. The phone calls were mostly initiated by her (Kris). After the ball game we texted the next day a little bit. I sent her a text asking her a question and she did not respond. I sent another text last Monday about something that I thought sure she would respond to and again no response. It really is frustrating. At a party last year somebody came up to her and asked we were together. She said "no" and that she has an issue with relationships. I know she trusts me and has asked me for advice on several occassions. She is very touchy when we are together too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for replying.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then these personal issues related to her OCD are truly deeply impacting the way she gets closer to people, and it has happened more than once, specially when things seem to be working very good. With OCD, the person feels literally overwhelmed but blocking fear, leading them to feel unable to do things out of fear.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you know if she has been working on herself and OCD with psychotherapeutic support?

Customer:

I do not think she is.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you would have to come to terms with the fact that as long as she does not truly work on rehabilitating from this disorder-s, this pattern could continue and get worse with time.

Customer:

I understand that. I am going to call her tomorrow just to read her mood. She is such a sweet person and an awesome mom. I just don't want to give up on her, but I do understand what you are saying.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thus you would have to assess what you are willing to afford or not in this friendship - relationship, and adjust your expectation to what reality is showing you, that way you would not push her nor yourself into something that would not work, but create further resistance and avoidance by her side, and frustration in your heart.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

if you are truly serious and confident about your feelings, and feel it's worthy to work on it affording all the challenges and limitations it presents, including the possibility that it could not work as you expect, then go for it, just remind yourself that if she avoids working on her rehabilitation, this and other issues would continue to limit her personal life and relationships, and around close to her would be limited by it too.

Customer:

I understand and thanks!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The best way to support a person with OCD is by showing empathy, understanding, patience, caring and clarity about reality for them to reduce their anxiety and feel stronger and more confident to confront their OCD illusions fueled by it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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