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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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Ive been dating a man for over a year and although weve been

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I've been dating a man for over a year and although we've been intimate, he's never introduced me to his kids and I've never been to his house or work. He told me he didnt move to Italy because of me, he tells me he loves me and I've gotten closer to him than anyone since his divorce 12-years ago. His work requires him to travel a lot and keep a very private life. I've expressed my desire to be a bigger part of his life, but he asked me to let him be him and eventually I would have everything I want. I trust him and love him, but my friends think I'm blind to all the red flags. What should I do?
Thanks for your question,

I can understand the concerns of your friends, but at the same time if you trust and love him that is very important as well. In a situation like this, usually the biggest red flag would be if he has not given you an approximate amount of time for you to wait before you get everything that he has been promising you. It's certainly possible that he is just a private individual and needs some time to get other aspects of his personal life straightened out before you become a larger part of it. However, if he does have plans for you to be a bigger part of his life, he should be able to give you an idea of when that would happen, or what needs to happen in order for that to happen. You may be able to offer him your patience and be willing to let him be him, but that should also come with him being able to give you a more firm idea of when things will start to change. That would be the place to start if you were to have a conversation with him, and if he is able to give you a better idea of when you will be able to have a closer relationship, then that may at least be some reassurance that these things that appear to be red flags will no longer be there in the future. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

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