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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I was near the Boston bombings

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I was near the Boston bombings and I was scared so I was keeping my boyfriend updated because I would want him to do the same if he was in my situation. He hardly responded and showed signs that I was bothering him since he stopped answering completely at one point. I later called and he did not pick up. He then calls be back and I was crying because I kept hearing such terrible news and I was scared and then I asked him since he wasn't responding if he cared at all about my safety since he never made the effort to contact me. He then goes on to hang up on me and texts me to go see a therapist. I do not respond back and I text him the next morning explaining what happened and why I acted the way I did even though I was still mad at him. He has no talked to me for 3 days and I never contacted him until today when I said I missed him but he never responded. I do not know what to make of this. He seems to run when things get hard for me and he literally always says go see a therapist like he never even asked if i was okay or why I was crying...nothing. I do not know what to make of it and I have been considering ending the relationship but I am just not moving back since we have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. Could he be ignoring me because he is cheating?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I am so very sorry to hear that you were nearby, it must have been extremely traumatic for you. I will start off by saying it would be important that you do look after yourself, you may be suffering from some form of post trauma and hence it'd be important to keep an eye on things over the next week or so if the incident is affecting you.

In terms of your boyfriend, he seems as though, a bit like you said, he runs at the first sight of problems or obstacles - if at a time like this he couldn't support you it may well highlight that his threshold for stress is very low and he is unable to handle such stress at all. At a time like the Boston bombing, it would have been a good gesture even after the event to have supported you, to apologize perhaps if he couldn't bring myself to support you at the time but he hasn't done this. I wonder whether he is feeling guilty for not supporting you? If you feel that this is not the case, and that this is just how he is, you may need to take some time out and consider whether this is the person you want to be with - does he fulfill your needs and support and respect you? If not, you need to reassess your relationship.

Again, I'm sorry that you've experienced this, it is not a good thing at all and my heart goes out to all who were there or affected by this. You deserve to have someone that cares enough about you to want to support you and be there for you, you were not doing anything out of the ordinary so please be reassured that your need for support at the time was absolutely normal, you were not being needy by texting and contacting him.

I've just included a web link for how to manage your feelings and to identify symptoms after such a traumatic event too, I hope this would be okay to offer you alongside the advice around your boyfriend.

Here are the details:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/disaster_recovery_trauma_stress_coping.htm

Furthermore, if you've been feeling as though you've wanted to end the relationship, it's important that you trust your gut feeling over things and this may well be one of them. Your boyfriend's reactions come across as almost cold. Perhaps try and have this conversation with him, communicate your thoughts and feelings and see how he responds - if it is more of the same responses - then this should be a sign for you that things are not as they should be.

My best to you, I hope you can look after yourself through this really difficult time.

I really do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service and for the bonus!
My best to you, I hope you can resolve this with your boyfriend or that you are able to make a decision about the relationship. Take care of yourself.

Regards, Karin

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