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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Professional therapist
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Hello, Ive been happily married to my husband for 8 months

Resolved Question:

Hello, I've been happily married to my husband for 8 months now. I stumbled upon some information recently from a very reliable source saying he was engaged before in his relationship prior to mine -- he has never disclosed this to me. Should I feel angry about this? I feel cheated in someway by not knowing this.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question,

It does seem like this is information that would typically be disclosed to you prior to getting married. As long as your relationship with him has been on solid ground, the most common reason for him not to tell you that he was engaged would have been his fear of your reaction. That's not necessarily a good excuse to avoid telling you this, but in a way it's possible that he made the decision not to tell you in order to preserve the quality of the relationship you already have together. I can certainly understand how you would feel angry and cheated by not being told this information, and in reality it would have been better for you to hear this from him than from someone else. Because of that it does seem worthy of having a conversation with him about the level of honesty in your relationship. Overall it is obviously important to be able to trust each other, and while he may have been trying to avoid problems by not telling you, it does seem like you have reason to be upset about the way you found out. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Ryan
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Ryan,


 


Thanks so much for your response! This is very helpful and in line with I think why my husband didn't tell me. Should I even bring this up to him to tell him how I'm feeling or should I just brush it off? Either way, I'm still bothered by it. :-(


 


Your advice is very valuable and well put, by the way.


 


Christine

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks Christine, I'm really glad I could help. If you wouldn't mind leaving me a positive review it would be very much appreciated. In most cases I would think that this would be a hard thing to brush off, so while it may be difficult to bring it up, you may feel much better in the long run to talk to him about it so that you can both put it behind you and move forward. Unless you feel like you truly can brush it off and that this wouldn't bother you anymore, it's usually best to have the tough conversation and there way there aren't any more mysteries or uncertainties. Hang in there and good luck with everything,

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Professional therapist
Ryan LCSW and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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