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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hi Kate, I dont have a big issue today

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate, I dont have a big issue today, but wanted to share something with you. He is going off to college soon and I told himi


will have empty nest. he told me I should move out. Besides the obvious, did he mention it because hes worried about me?


also, he very often stays after school to avoid coming home.  He assures me its not me, but I feel it is because Im sick.  he claims its the house and not me, is that possiblejust wanting to leave because of past trauma issues?

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hi Dee,

He could be worried about you. And it could be that he notices how unhappy you and his father are together and thinks it may be good for you to leave the marriage and be on your own.

More than likely, he probably wants you to be happy. And he sees what is going on between you and your husband and he may think that by moving out, you can be happier and maybe even safer. Your husband has not been kind to you emotionally and has even sometimes tried to hurt you physically. When children witness that level of pain, they sometimes conclude that their parents would be happier apart. I imagine that he does not want either of you to feel bad so that might be the solution he feels would work. Plus he has been a part of the situation for a while and he may feel better about his relationship with each of you if he does not have to see the pain between you.

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks kate. I gave him my honest answers to his comment of wanting me to move out. And him staying away from the home after school feels like its because of me, but he claims its the house. I just wondered if its just bad memories of trauma in the house, or because I am sick. Today he is going somewhere and told me he is waiting in his car until its time to leave. We get along very well but cant help but think its me.

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
If you have asked him and he says it is about the conflict in the home, then it probably is. Even if you assume it is about you, the only thing you could do is try to make amends. But if he is not admitting to it being you, it would be hard to know how to address the issue. At this point, the best option is to try to fix the relationship the best you can where you feel it needs it and leave the rest up to him.

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He treats me very well, my 18 year old son and I tell him that. its must hat his father doesn't treat me well.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
It could be. That makes sense.

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Kate, sorry, yousaid itcould be, that makes sense, however im not sure what you meant.
I dont even have any problems with him as we get along very well
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
You said that it must be that his father doesn't treat you well. And I said that it makes sense that would be what your son is upset about.

Kate
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
If ok with you ill write under seperate cover, as I was unclear. I wont take too much time.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Ok. I will be here a bit longer :)

Kate