How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1820
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

This friend of mine, her husband was interested in me and I

Resolved Question:

This friend of mine, her husband was interested in me and I usually
tell the man nothing will actually happen, well this went on for a long
time, he told her about it and told her to tell me. Well I should have
said lets remain all friends but instead I said nothing. After awhile she
decided to work on their relationship and this is what happened, she
decided to take action like serving lots of food when we were over at
her house, and saying things and doing things about someone being
cheap, like he told her "I can dress you up but I can't take you out",
which was letting her know how he was interested in relating to her,
now that they were concentrating on improving their relationship,
he meant the other person getting in the way of this was or any
other person who might get in the way was cheap but I'm afraid it
referred to me. He was not serious, just letting her know there was
a problem with the relationship with me I think. Well she started
dressing up and losing weight and to look like a model, and
using that as a theme for the new relationship. I suspect she said
something to someone at Macy's because all around town people
started to wear dark lipstick, or too much or looks like too much,a cheap person would do that. This
was many years ago already, also she started a trend in wearing
large jewelry in the local area, which implies someone does not
know how to wear jewelry. She also did a few things about things
I told her, like I didn't like the width of a belt in a store and it was
silver, so she wore one she had at home which was thinner but
not necessarily matching her outfit. Then she, our neighbors
do a gift exchange, and she got cards one year with a red door on
the card, that was the whole card, which looks like my neighbor's
door. She had spent more time with me so that was like rejection.
Whether it is a coincidence or not, red became a popular color,
and narrow belts and big jewelry, everyone wore them and still
does. She also gave a lot of extra food in the Christmas gifts,
and huge portions of food showed up in the local grocery store
and it could have been her saying something and if not it is a
reminder. Everyone started dressing up around town and losing
weight, books about thin Audrey Hepburn became popular. Then
last Christmas she gave a gift which had a card which matched
the wrapping but in the wrong way, both were dark like navy blue,
with lots of shiny details on them but they did not match properly
but they did match. Then even in the local paper the photog-
raphers started taking pictures which were unusual except they
matched, like a bad angle but two things in the pictures matched.
The gift contained a smaller amount of food than normal and
a large size of two hot chocolates, and it was hinting that
something was wrong, it seemed not friendly to me. It was friendly
to the other neighbors. The people are trend setters, she used
to live in Malibu and went to church with showbiz people and
knew other people involved in showbiz, as they lived (wealthy)
there. It's hard for me to see the flyers from Macys and everywhere
with all the red and small belts and lots of food and pictures that don't
match, whether she started the trends or not it is not a good feeling,
it kind of has affected my life experience and no one else's. By the
time it is a trend, popular for people to do, like everyone wears too
dark lipstick and no one told me to do that, it's hard to know how to
ask her about it. It seems too far gone. The other neighbors are
closer to celebrity status, than me, but are not, but they have a horse ranch and one of them advertises locally and one is a state senator,
there are a couple of successful doctors. There were only five of
us involved. I depend on her in case something happens to me, she
had offered support, of many kinds, and I do not have that from
anyone else, even after all this activity. So I don't know how aware
she is of how all this happened, and don't know what to say. I asked
her already if there was anything preventing us from being friends and
she said no; but, today I got two pictures from her of their garden
which showed lots and lots of buds but few flowers and the other
one was taken at an angle where you could see the stems of
everything more than normal but it matched, similar technique to
the newspaper photos. I have made phone calls and it gets around
town in about five minutes, I can tell, so it's possible she did these
trends, just what to say, I would normally say the pictures were
beautiful, but now don't know what to say about the matching
because it's like the Christmas present which matched oddly too,
which I didn't get why except she had no reason to pick that for
the neighbors but it goes along with her theme that I am cheap.
Do I say lots of buds? Someone else not affected by this like me
would know the right thing to say about it.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

I would say that she is jealous of you and that she is living a life that is not how she really wants to live. This is someone that changed her whole life because her husband had feelings for you. I feel like she wanted to mimic the person you are like copy things about you.

Deardebra :

Out of fear of losing her husband she decided to lose weight, dress differently so that her husband would notice her.

Deardebra :

Now she is upset that he had feelings for you, so she would have trouble being friends. Basically you are her competition.

Deardebra :

You mentioned that you should have said to be friends, but you said nothing. I am going to say that she thought you no longer wanted to be friends with her.

Deardebra :

You said about local people thinking she doesn't like you, I don't think they think that because I feel she would not say anything because she has a certain image that she is upholding.

Deardebra :

She has told you nothing is wrong and I believe that I am sure certain things have bothered her because he husband had feelings for you, but she has tried to move on from this and change her whole life. She felt that she needed to change things in her life to get her husband's attention.

Deardebra :

I would be honest about the flowers and how you feel about the picture.

Deardebra :

Maybe she was showing you that her flowers were going to come up nice this year because there was so many buds.

Deardebra :

I would talk with her about the picture or comment and see how she responds. Maybe say love the picture, you are going to have amazing flowers this year, their are so many buds.

Deardebra : Maybe he was referencing that he felt his wife was cheap and that is why she is doing all these things to prove too him and everyone that she is not cheap.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
I heard you were having trouble seeing my answer for the chat, so I switched out of chat for you to view what I said. I think when it comes to setting trends that you should set a trend and let others follow you. People love to see new fashion and have things that are so different. If you started wearing different jewelry or clothes people would notice, see how amazing you looked and want to dress just like you. People like to keep up with what is new and like to copy people who look great.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1820
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency