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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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hi, im in a 2 yr relationship, and its been rocky most of the

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hi, im in a 2 yr relationship, and its been rocky most of the two years. In the beginning, i was at fault because i was still talking with women i had dated in the past, but neglected to tell my new partner. Upon finding this out, she was angry and hurt, and assumed i was still dating. She did not trust me, however we continued the relationship. Shortly afterward,
i moved in with her, and everything seemed so good in the beginning. Very soon after moving in, she began accusing me of flirting with girls, and trying to cheat on her. I assured her often that i was not , but she did not seem convinced. Also she told me many times she was not satisfied sexually, and might break off with me if i dont please her. This announcement hurt me very much, and i was not sleeping very well following that. Then in a discussion following, she admitted that she had been chatting on a dating site with several men, but recently had stopped. I believed her. Months passed and she seemed very distant, and i told her so and it concerned me. She assured me everything was fine and not toworry. I tried, but could not keep this off my mind. I decided to investigate, and snooping on her phone and the computer i found that she was still chatting on 2 different dating sites, and various phone numbers of men that i did not know. I was so afraid, i did not confront her, thinking that given time it would end. Spring came, and i believe the computer activity stopped, but she continued to accuse me of cheating. I was very hurt, and she was still so distant, that i thought it best for me emotionally to give up ideas of long term romance, hoping something good would happen in the future. Summer came, and with it came her taking care of grandkids all summer. She had not worked very much since April(she took a course and then looked after grandkids all summer), and as soon as i got my divorce settlement, she started asking for money for all kinds of things, for the bills, cloths, her grandkids cloths, gas, insurance on her car, her credit card payments, new furniture, trips south to the city, and she was not contributing any money at all for the entire summer or fall leading to winter. My money was quickly depleting, and even when i mentioned to her that i thought it more fair to share costs, she accused me of not caring about her , that she would then take care of herself. I felt bad, thinking i was being selfish, so i gave her money and told her i was sorry for asking her for help on payments. Time passed.. she continued not to work, and i was still paying 90% of the bills and household expenses. She also enjoys on a fairly regular basis, going to the casino. Although she does not seem to spend to much on these nights, she would ask me for spending money every
time we went to the casino. I do not like gambling, or casino's and refused to play and lose my money. I have told her several times i did not like going to the casino, but she continued to frequent it. Also, i should mention that she gets angry very quickly, and when she does not like what i do , or if i dont do something the way she likes, she will get very angry , and often belittle me telling me i need to grow up and be a man. I find this behavior disturbing, and im fearful she will not change it and i already resent her for these outbursts. Lately, she has told me several times that if i am not happy, to leave, that she does not care, and that my next woman will grow sick of me anyway. I have been contemplating leaving for some time now, but im procrastinating, trying to decide if i am the problem, and if i would be better off staying, trying to work things out, and improving my self to please her. One of mey main concerns, is that she will continue to belittle me, and take advantage of me, and i will resent it and resent staying. Also i have some life wishes that i would like very much, but i fear that her controlling behavior and her lack of contribution to spending will render me unable to fulfill any of my dreams. What should i consider to make a proper decision of staying or going?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. I'm sorry she is putting you through this. The ultimate decision should be made based on your happiness and the willingness of her to want to admit there is a problem in the relationship and agree that you BOTH need to work on things in order to make things better. You both need to establish if this is a relationship that you want to make better and to have things work or not. If the answer is no, then you must seek happiness elsewhere. It seems to me that she has no interest in putting any effort into the relationship at all and she has said she doesn't care if you leave. Maybe you should leave and see what happens. You are not 100% to blame here and neither is she. People change because of things that happen in a relationship, good and bad. You both caused 50% of the problem. Are you both willing to fix it? That is really your first step here to complete before considering anything else. You can't be putting effort into something that isn't going to be worth anything in the end. She is enjoying her independence and not wanting any responsibility. I would talk with her and just ask her something simple such as, do you want this relationship to work? If so, are you willing to help me work on things so we can both be happy? The answers she gives you should help you decide on whether to move on or if there is a chance that things can be repaired and saved.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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