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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I was in the city yesterday. A good phone friend of mine for

Resolved Question:

I was in the city yesterday. A good phone friend of mine for several years lives in the city. She has a bad sickness, limited mobility, and lots of anxiety. However, we've talk frequently for years, exchange photos, but never actually met, but often talk about it.

A couple times I was in the city, and I know the anxiety prevented her from seeing me, which I understood. Yesterday, when I was in the city, she didn't even acknowledge my text. Then in the evening I told her I would have visited her (in the text) but I didnt want to push her anxiety. She didn't even respond to that comment.

Today,she is texting me like crazy and called me. I told her I was expecting an important call and would talk to her later. However the real reason is I am hurt. Her most recent text says "do you want to come over for dinner?" ... And "do you miss me just a little?". The first dinner text she speaks of often, but as a playful comment as we live far away. The comment about missing her a little felt manipulative.

I believe she asked me to come over for dinner to make herself feel better so she doesn't ave to face the reality of feeling too sick, or having too much anxiety to see me. I am still hurt, but would be less so if she was honest.

I know this anger will affect my desire to speak with her. Im not sure if I should even address it or not. If I address it that I'm hurt, she would feel bad about not accommodating me due to her illnesses. It seems like she would rather avoid the whole thing, because she never responded when I told her Icwould have seen her. How shouldvI resolve this, as ideas are welcome. Thank you ...
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

It seems she is quite dependent and insecure about how she feels a) about herself and b) about what she can offer you as a friend (but as a face to face friend - if that makes sense).
Part of her also demonstrates a level of manipulation towards you and I believe you have picked up on this and this has left you feeling very hurt.

She needs to understand that no matter what your circumstances, you are not there to judge her in any way, as that is not what friends do to one another. She may need reassurance that wherever she lives and under whatever circumstances, your friendship over the years has been somehow you have both maintained it. You could tell her that by not offering to meet up while you were local to her, nor answering your texts did leave you feeling a little hurt and you just wanted to understand her reasons as that's what friends do - they're open and honest with one another without judging.

Your hurt is completely understandable but in order to get past this and in order to resolve it, you will need to decide whether you discuss this with her calmly or give it some space and time and consider your options then. Her comment on whether you missed her feels a little needy and perhaps that was her way of gauging from you that you're not angry with her.

Give it some space, a week or so, and see how you, in particular feel about this. Your thoughts on the subject may well have changed and that's not a bad thing as sometimes when we're angry, our thoughts are not always as we would prefer them to be and we can become over analytical and over critical. If after a week or so you still feel this way, then you may want to call or text her telling her in your own words some of how we've expressed the issues above. My best to you and I hope that you can resolve this with her soon.

I hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin
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