I'm really sick of being beat up verbally and emotionally and have just about had enough of it! Sherry sent me a picture of Austin her 17 year autistic son today. I text her and said he looked very nice but he seemed to be frowning in the picture. She replied that he didn't want to go on job interviews. (???) I said for school, for practice or what, I just assumed that he may or may not work? She said no he is working. That was the first I had heard about this, and I told her I didn't know anything about Austin working. Of course she said she tried to tell me, but I took over the conversation, interupted, interjected, whatever the case may be and therefore she never told me. I wanted to blow up at this point, but instead I merely said Sherry if I take over the conversation, interupt, interject...I am merely just trying to take a part of the conversation honey and I am sorry if I didn't let you finish, however could we try this...if you have something you want to share with me...just tell me I have something I need to tell you! That will signal me to shut up and listen. She replied she has tried, though she obviously thought it was important, you are the one who chose not to listen. So I have no desire to share things with you! You have proven over and over it means nothing to you! I ask her how is it different when her attention gets directed away? When Austin walks in the room and interupts two adults having a conversation..and what does she do? She turns her focus towards him as I wait patiently to finish my thought. Is it really only men that can do this? Not meaning to be sarcastic but this is beyond ridiculous. At this point I really could give a rat's ass to know where or when or anything about Austin's job. If she doesn't want to share it...fine...I won't ask! She is suppose to come down tomorrow, and honestly I really don't want her here! I don't know what it is going to take to find a common middle ground with this girl. To realize we are both human and we both make mistakes. I really find myself asking the question if I am such a horrible man, then obviously she is a very very stupid woman because she has hung around for three years now!
Still trouble brewing with Sherry and this 5Linx network marketing business. Her son's VCR stopped working over the weekend and I told her I would check with Amy, a girl that is in 5Linx with me, but not on my team. She gets items such as that where she works for cost plus 10%. As soon as Sherry figured it is was a "Female" she wasn't interested. Well this "Female is 19...young enough to be our daughter. I have meetings at least twice a week and attend every one I can and trainings too. I want this to take off and to really succeed in this. Sherry is 2 hours away and has no plans at the moment of joining me this year. I am a Federal Civil Service employee and there are three reasons I chose to start with 5Linx. First of all there is talk about us Federal Employees being Furloughed in June through the rest of the fiscal year one day a week. Secondly to pay my mother back for the help she gave me in lawyer's fees when getting a divorce. Finally, if it could take off, to make things smoother for Sherry and her son's transition...maybe she wouldn't even have to work. Sherry has stated she sees this as a way to run around and use it as a "Business Trip" "Business Luncheon" excuse. I have never once run around on her, but have planted seeds of doubt. For example, I got a ticket about 2 years ago for racing. I really didn't want to tell her that I had got a ticket and I was close to tripling the posted speed limit. I chose to go to defensive driving school to keep it off my record. I lied to her and told her my cousin, her husband, and I were going out to eat. I finally came clean with her. But she won't let it die, she always brings up any seed of doubt that I have ever planted. She says that she will not tolerate me always being gone. Ok....well she isn't here now anyway so what difference does it make? Secondly she is always volunteering for things such as Relay for Life. How fair would it be if I said "You can't do that anymore"? I don't like and live well with ultimadums! It wasn't an ultimadum, but it was close. Don't really know what to do here. I am doing very well with the business. I have already promoted to Executive Director in less than 60 days a position that should take about a year to hit. If I should give this up to please her, tell me how that is fair?
Went to a 5Linx meeting last night. When I came out of the meeting I text her and said "I'm Done"...no reply. I text and said "Did You Go To Bed? Did You Not Say Goodnight or I Love You?" I then get a reply...In Bed Goodnight Love You. To which I did not reply to, partly so not to disturb her, and partly because she pisses me off. She has always said Goodnight and I love you to me before. I told her this morning I appreciate her not disturbing me during a meeting, however, she can call or text me anytime night or day, just realize that if I do not respond immediately I may be busy. According to her...she sent the In Bed Goodnight Love You earlier and when I questioned it, she just copied and pasted and resent it again. I can't prove this one way or the other, but it is rather funny that is the ONLY message I supposedly missed from her. She said she assumed I was busy with this 5Linx "Crap" to respond. Whether she agrees with it or not, she could support me, but I feel she does not. On a further note and lend your advise here, Sherry has gotten to where she is not very talkitive. She merely answers questions, no longer will she open up and talk to me. She does not say "I Love You" anymore, but merely as a response to my "I Love You" she will say "Love You". I've asked her about this and her response was I say it so much during the course of a day that it de-values the word and I never really give her time to say it just out of the clear blue. So I have stopped telling her I love her! We will see! Part of me feels like I should continue to tell her I love her, and draw her out of whatever she is in right now. Part of me feels if she thinks she is hearing it too much (is this really possible?) then fine...you won't hear it anymore!
Good Morning Dr. Paige,
I have been trying to "Win" Sherry back, not that she is gone in the physical sense, but emotionally she is. I have not stopped telling her that she is beautiful, that I love her, that she means the world to me. I do understand that men (me even more so) tend to get over things more quickly than women do and women tend to hold on to things for what seems like forever. Somehow or another the past will ALWAYS come up with you women and that pisses me off. I do understand it, if the behavior hasn't changed though, to use the past as a way to make a point. I guess that is the case to some extinct, but not all, at least from my perspective. Again....all Sherry does is answer my questions. She really doesn't have much to say as far as conversation. I text her this morning and said "Good Morning Beautiful" to her reply of "Good Morning" Her replies have become so patterned, they are short cuts on her phone. "How are you baby" to her Ok. You? "I'm good" then I stopped talking and waited, and waited, and waited. She finally text and said she since I stopped talking she was going to make breakfast. I ask her "Sherry please open up and TALK to me rather than just robotically asnwering questions. I'm not fussing, and I do realize that you are busy, I am just begging that you please open up just a little PLEASE" Her reply was "I've begged for lots of things you have not tried. I talk to you. If you have a problem with my level of conversation too bad. Deal with it or not. I really don't care!" So I merely said Ok, tell Austin good morning for me, and have a nice day. Dr. Paige, how long do I go on like this? I love her, but damn! What would it hurt to just open up a little and start to heal? I guess I could give her a taste of her own medicine...not contact her, wait for her to contact me, and then ONLY answer her questions...but I really don't see that as being healthy and productive. I know I have done things wrong, but here is the key...we are all human which means she too has made mistakes. Do we dwell on the mistakes of the past, or do we try to correct them, realizing we are human and will make more mistakes, but essentially move on? She is a great mother and a good woman, but I wonder sometimes if a life together with her would be this constant crap! Is it really worth the head and heart aches? Please advise! Thank you.
I want to give you a copy of a text conversation and tell me what you think.
Me 7:20 pm - What's my babies doing?
Sherry 7:21 pm - Watching BB
Sherry 7:21 pm - And eating chocolate
Me 7:38 pm - Don't eat too much sweety
Sherry 7:38 pm - Yeah
Me 7:39 pm - I only said it because I love you
Sherry 7:40 - I would at least like to eat a piece of chocolate in peace
Me 7:41 pm - Ok I'm sorry
Sherry 7:42 pm - Really rude of you to chastise me for having a piece of
Me 7:45 pm - Sherry please don't fight. I only said don't eat too much out
of love because you're diabetic baby. If I offended you that
wasn't my intention darling.
Sherry 7:47 pm - Yes it was offensive
Me 7:49 pm - And I think I said I was sorry for it. You saying your bed is
small for my "Fat Ass" was rather offensive also, but I
chose to ignore it!
Sherry 7:51 pm - Only said what you've said numerous time before
Sherry 7:51 pm - But fine. sorry
Me 7:51 pm - Sure
Sherry 7:51 pm - Sure
Dr. Paige I am growing very weary of this crap! If you can show me where this could remotely be offensive...I'm open to looking at that. However, I spelled it out...what my true intent and concern is. She is diabetic! Her sugar has spiked, and dropped numerous times in the three years we've dated. It was only out of concern. If you will notice at 7:51 she says "But fine. sorry" Not I'm sorry. She has also dropped the "I" out of I love you which I have already brought to your attention. Her reply to my I love you will always be "Love You". Maybe that doesn't mean anything, but it might, especially when it use to be "I love you too". When she goes to bed she texts Good night love you. Last night she text "Going to bed. Goodnight" so my reply was "Ok baby goodnight, sleep well, text when you wake". I will be damned if she isn't going to at least say "Love You" if I am going to say anything either. Maybe I am wrong in that. Maybe I should have chose to be the bigger person, but Paige it is hard to constantly be the bigger person. Constantly have to attempt to reach a bar that is just out of reach! I have told you that she and I can't really date like "normal" adults. She lives at home with her mother and her mother does not approve of our relationship. I dated her sister some 30 years ago, and I think it stems from that, and the fact that it started off as an affair and her sister and my ex-wife have her mother convinced that I am some sort of monster, a child and wife beater, or whatever. My response to that is if that were true...in nearly 17 years of marriage...where is the first police report for domestic violence? What about the first questionable injury report from a hospital? Surely in 17 years there would be at least one.
So we can't date like "Normal" adults
Don't know when or if she is ever going to join me
She won't open up and talk..she continues to punish me
She always finds a way to wiggle out of things
Don't know how much more I am willing to travel like this
I either did not communicate correctly or you misread something. My "Not Being Able To Date" and "Normal Adults" meant we have to sneak around to see each other...which I understand because of the drama it would create in her household especially for her autistic son. However, it still gets old that she has to go "Shopping" and we have to meet half way for the day. Or she goes to "Work" and does not go to work but comes to see me for the day. The secretiveness kills me, though I understand it, I question what it is going to be like if and when we are ever really together...which I have my doubts. The "Fat Ass" comment was not directed toward her. You should go back and re-read that. She directed it toward ME. Yet, I let it go. But because I am concerned for her health and well being of her being a diabetic I am crucified for voicing it!