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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Dr. Paige, How are you? Need a little advice. There seems

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Dr. Paige,
How are you? Need a little advice. There seems to be trouble again between Sherry and I. At the end of February I took a chance and got involved in one of those "Network Marketing Schemes". I refrained to tell Sherry at first because I knew she would crap on the idea. She knew I was doing something, and I told her I would tell her...but was requesting that I tell her in my time and in my way, I wanted to have some things in place first please. She was agreeable to this, at first. I told her I would tell her now if she wanted, to her no we can wait. I was waiting to make my first bonus to refute her being negative about it which I knew she would! Finally she grew very cold and distant after a week or 10 days or so. So finally I sent her a text that read "www.5Linx.com" to which after 5 minutes or so she replied the Better Business Bureau describes it as a modern day ponzie scheme. I knew she would do this, that's why I wanted to wait. Actually the BBB gives 5Linx their highest A+ rating. I sent her the link to the BBB rating and asked that she send me all the negative she found on it. To date she hasn't sent anything? Maybe she can't find anything legit? Now she is pissed off because I didn't "Include" her in the decision making process, supposedly I always leave her out. I don't know that I agree with this, but Paige we are not married...Why should I involve her in the decision making process? She does what she wants with her money, though she says she consults me, I know she does not consult me on EVERYTHING! So let's be realistic. If she wants to go buy a new pair of high heels, or a dress, or something for her son I don't require her to run it by me first. Furthermore I wouldn't even if we were married. As long as our needs are met as a family I could care less. Now if she bought a new dress, and the power got cut off because the bill didn't get paid, then we would have a problem. I invested $249.00 in this business at the end of Feb and by the end of March I had made $1,000.00 and I am on track to make $1,500.00 this month. So I quadrupled my initial investment in just 30 short days and I am on track to make TEN TIMES my investment in the first 60 days. Paige the stock market doesn't pay that! The difference between what I saw with this and other MLM businesses is I actually see success with this. I actually see people who are doing well, very well with this. XXXXX XXXXX, who was our National Director, just promoted to Senior Vice President in just 8 short months. The average annual income for SVP's is $250,000.00 and you also get a new BMW to which I have seen the requisition order for his new 750i and it is scheduled for delivery on 4/25/13. So it is real and it does work. However, because I didn't include her, now she is being cold and distant. She will not talk to me, only answers my questions to which I am growing very weary of. Honestly what did I do wrong? If and I say "IF" I did anything wrong, because I am not convinced I did, what do I do to rectify it? I told her I would tell her if she wanted but I would really like to wait until I have some things in place to which she agreed to. Those things were to be deposits. Now supposedly she has requested info from the State Attorney General's office on 5Linx? I find this to be extremely humorous actually because 5Linx doesn't sell anything to speak of. They are a referral agency to name brands you are already using, T-Mobile, Verizon, Sprint, AT&T, Dish Network, Direct TV, Comcast, Cable One, etc. So if there were any complaints, common sense tells me the complaints would be against the companies taking your money. Help if you can and thank you.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I can see both sides of this. No, you are not married and no she does not consult you about everything, but from her point of view, I would bet she looks at this as something a lot more serious than a purchase of an item. She probably looks at this as more of a new job type decision. I'm not saying what it is or isn't, I'm just saying from her point of view, how she may look at it. When you teased her with future information as to something you were working on, I bet she was thinking you were planning some kind of surprise for her or vacation maybe or something fun and exciting for both of you. The disappointment that she felt when it was just another 'ponzie' scheme may have amplified her reaction to it. I can see where she would feel left out of your decision to pursue a venture such as this, not because you should seek her permission, but because there are some things which are not that big of a deal to do together in any level of relationship and there are some things which should be decided on together. You both clearly have a different idea of where this line is drawn. Again, her inability to discuss things with you regardless of whose "fault" it is, is a barrier to getting anything accomplished in your relationship. Again, you are stuck in the same situation with her as you tend to be, where she will not have a reasonable conversation to reach a conclusion, instead choosing to be cold and rigid in her reasoning, wanting you to kiss up to her. This is the unhealthy aspect of your situation. Not so much all of these little issues that you have, but the way they are resolved or not resolved due to pride or anger. That is your ultimate issue here and the common denominator of all the situations you have talked to me about in the big picture. I think that if you both can reach some sort of common ground with communication that all of these things that come up along the way will be resolved in a much less stressful way. She does not seem too eager to change her ways and she certainly has a completely different point of view about just about everything than you do. She has the problem with honesty and you hiding things from her first and foremost. You hide things from her because you are afraid of her reaction. I had said awhile back, a way to remedy this is to tell her the truth about everything regardless of what you think her reaction will be. I think in this particular situation, you should have done research about the company on your own online, knowing what information was out there first, and then told her outright that you were looking into doing this and would like her help in researching the company to see if she could find any information on it and what her opinion would be about it, knowing full well what she would find. If her reaction was negative, then talk about it and why she feels that way and then go from there one step at a time. Dealing with her reaction and details of the business is a much different approach than doing it anyways and then dealing with the honesty issue that has haunted you both. Stop being afraid of her reactions and disarm her argument of you not being honest with her by being honest with her. You will have a different argument on your hands if you are dealing with substance instead of deceit. Substance being the nature of the issue and the actual disagreement instead of the source of the argument being honesty. I hope that makes sense !
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1369
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Paige,

 

I'm really sick of being beat up verbally and emotionally and have just about had enough of it! Sherry sent me a picture of Austin her 17 year autistic son today. I text her and said he looked very nice but he seemed to be frowning in the picture. She replied that he didn't want to go on job interviews. (???) I said for school, for practice or what, I just assumed that he may or may not work? She said no he is working. That was the first I had heard about this, and I told her I didn't know anything about Austin working. Of course she said she tried to tell me, but I took over the conversation, interupted, interjected, whatever the case may be and therefore she never told me. I wanted to blow up at this point, but instead I merely said Sherry if I take over the conversation, interupt, interject...I am merely just trying to take a part of the conversation honey and I am sorry if I didn't let you finish, however could we try this...if you have something you want to share with me...just tell me I have something I need to tell you! That will signal me to shut up and listen. She replied she has tried, though she obviously thought it was important, you are the one who chose not to listen. So I have no desire to share things with you! You have proven over and over it means nothing to you! I ask her how is it different when her attention gets directed away? When Austin walks in the room and interupts two adults having a conversation..and what does she do? She turns her focus towards him as I wait patiently to finish my thought. Is it really only men that can do this? Not meaning to be sarcastic but this is beyond ridiculous. At this point I really could give a rat's ass to know where or when or anything about Austin's job. If she doesn't want to share it...fine...I won't ask! She is suppose to come down tomorrow, and honestly I really don't want her here! I don't know what it is going to take to find a common middle ground with this girl. To realize we are both human and we both make mistakes. I really find myself asking the question if I am such a horrible man, then obviously she is a very very stupid woman because she has hung around for three years now!

 

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
That's the key, reaching some sort of middle ground. If one person thinks they are always right and isn't willing to budge at all, nothing at all will get accomplished as far as getting to better communication. Men not listening is a huge complaint with women regardless of how happy their relationship is ! She has to understand that to get a man to listen, just like you said, make sure you have their attention. She expects you to ask about Austin's job and she will be hurt if you don't. She wants a lot from you that she doesn't say because she falls into what all women do, expect men to just know. Women have intuition and can multi task with all sorts of things and expect men to be able to do the same, when they just can't. She has to learn how to be direct with you and to say what she wants or means and not assume anything. If she could get to that point, where she changes how she communicates, things could get better. She expects you do to this or that and be the only one who changes and regardless if you are actually being cold to her or not, or if things are the way she interprets them to be, she can also do her part to help with the changes. I'm afraid that you don't have much to go on here because of her unwillingness to at least listen to a way to work through the breakdown you are both having. I'm sure she feels her side of it is completely legitimate and you are the one being beyond ridiculous. The truth and the resolution lies somewhere in between and if she is not willing to move at all, then what are your options at this point? I know you have had a ton of conversations with her and talks, but maybe you just need to lay it all out on the line, all or nothing.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1369
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Paige,


 


Still trouble brewing with Sherry and this 5Linx network marketing business. Her son's VCR stopped working over the weekend and I told her I would check with Amy, a girl that is in 5Linx with me, but not on my team. She gets items such as that where she works for cost plus 10%. As soon as Sherry figured it is was a "Female" she wasn't interested. Well this "Female is 19...young enough to be our daughter. I have meetings at least twice a week and attend every one I can and trainings too. I want this to take off and to really succeed in this. Sherry is 2 hours away and has no plans at the moment of joining me this year. I am a Federal Civil Service employee and there are three reasons I chose to start with 5Linx. First of all there is talk about us Federal Employees being Furloughed in June through the rest of the fiscal year one day a week. Secondly to pay my mother back for the help she gave me in lawyer's fees when getting a divorce. Finally, if it could take off, to make things smoother for Sherry and her son's transition...maybe she wouldn't even have to work. Sherry has stated she sees this as a way to run around and use it as a "Business Trip" "Business Luncheon" excuse. I have never once run around on her, but have planted seeds of doubt. For example, I got a ticket about 2 years ago for racing. I really didn't want to tell her that I had got a ticket and I was close to tripling the posted speed limit. I chose to go to defensive driving school to keep it off my record. I lied to her and told her my cousin, her husband, and I were going out to eat. I finally came clean with her. But she won't let it die, she always brings up any seed of doubt that I have ever planted. She says that she will not tolerate me always being gone. Ok....well she isn't here now anyway so what difference does it make? Secondly she is always volunteering for things such as Relay for Life. How fair would it be if I said "You can't do that anymore"? I don't like and live well with ultimadums! It wasn't an ultimadum, but it was close. Don't really know what to do here. I am doing very well with the business. I have already promoted to Executive Director in less than 60 days a position that should take about a year to hit. If I should give this up to please her, tell me how that is fair?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Of course it isn't fair and no, you should not stop what you are doing. She has a lot of insecurity obviously, but you know this. She will never let you forget anything that you did. Women never forget things and some let it go, some don't. Men do something, it happens, you move on, end of story. Women never work that way. Everything means something. Because you lied in the past, that labels you as a liar and not to be trusted. About anything. Ever. Will this ever change? Maybe, maybe not.
What you need to do here is stick to your guns. Tell her this is the way it is, this was a decision you made in order for BOTH of you to have a better future and she needs to stop being insecure. You aren't cheating on her, you have no plans to ever cheat on her and if she can't trust you, that is her problem that she needs to learn to get over. You can preface that and also use it in the future, asking her all the time, ok, what do YOU want me to do? What would make you happy in this situation? And make her answer you. If she is going to be so negative with you all the time, then she must have all the answers to make your relationship better, right? Chances are, she doesn't, she just likes to be mad. Call her out on it. So this doesn't make you happy, what would make you happy? Maybe she doesn't have a solution to being happy. Maybe she is just happy being miserable. Stand up to her and put her in a corner to figure this out. It MAY force her to ask herself why she is being like this with you.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1369
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Went to a 5Linx meeting last night. When I came out of the meeting I text her and said "I'm Done"...no reply. I text and said "Did You Go To Bed? Did You Not Say Goodnight or I Love You?" I then get a reply...In Bed Goodnight Love You. To which I did not reply to, partly so not to disturb her, and partly because she pisses me off. She has always said Goodnight and I love you to me before. I told her this morning I appreciate her not disturbing me during a meeting, however, she can call or text me anytime night or day, just realize that if I do not respond immediately I may be busy. According to her...she sent the In Bed Goodnight Love You earlier and when I questioned it, she just copied and pasted and resent it again. I can't prove this one way or the other, but it is rather funny that is the ONLY message I supposedly missed from her. She said she assumed I was busy with this 5Linx "Crap" to respond. Whether she agrees with it or not, she could support me, but I feel she does not. On a further note and lend your advise here, Sherry has gotten to where she is not very talkitive. She merely answers questions, no longer will she open up and talk to me. She does not say "I Love You" anymore, but merely as a response to my "I Love You" she will say "Love You". I've asked her about this and her response was I say it so much during the course of a day that it de-values the word and I never really give her time to say it just out of the clear blue. So I have stopped telling her I love her! We will see! Part of me feels like I should continue to tell her I love her, and draw her out of whatever she is in right now. Part of me feels if she thinks she is hearing it too much (is this really possible?) then fine...you won't hear it anymore!

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
She has stopped talking because she feels you don't listen to her and she has a lot of negativity built up inside against you. What she wants is for you to 'fix it' and kiss up to her and all of her needs. If you ask her what is wrong, she will be upset that you don't automatically know and the fact that you don't know, shows how much of a cold, uncaring person you are. Is any of this justified? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter so much. What matters is the inability or unwillingness to discuss any of it. She has given up on trying to discuss anything with you, because she views you as a liar who doesn't care about her. You guys are going to have to get past this. I think it would be very interesting talking to her. I think that if both of you could get to some sort of counseling in your area, it would be of great benefit to sit down with someone face to face and have both of your perspectives out there at once. I have a feeling, the odds of that are very slim, as she thinks this is all your fault and none of hers. You are at a spot where both of you have dug in and the distance is growing. If counseling is not in your future, you need to have an all out discussion about everything in this relationship and just go through the ugly debate with each other. Nothing is going to get resolved as you are going right now. It will get worse and worse. Something has to happen to cause the big blow up to get it all out on the table and get this resolved. You both look at things differently, you MUST reach a compromise for this to work and to show you care about each other. You are spiraling downward and it has to stop.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1369
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

 


Good Morning Dr. Paige,


 


I have been trying to "Win" Sherry back, not that she is gone in the physical sense, but emotionally she is. I have not stopped telling her that she is beautiful, that I love her, that she means the world to me. I do understand that men (me even more so) tend to get over things more quickly than women do and women tend to hold on to things for what seems like forever. Somehow or another the past will ALWAYS come up with you women and that pisses me off. I do understand it, if the behavior hasn't changed though, to use the past as a way to make a point. I guess that is the case to some extinct, but not all, at least from my perspective. Again....all Sherry does is answer my questions. She really doesn't have much to say as far as conversation. I text her this morning and said "Good Morning Beautiful" to her reply of "Good Morning" Her replies have become so patterned, they are short cuts on her phone. "How are you baby" to her Ok. You? "I'm good" then I stopped talking and waited, and waited, and waited. She finally text and said she since I stopped talking she was going to make breakfast. I ask her "Sherry please open up and TALK to me rather than just robotically asnwering questions. I'm not fussing, and I do realize that you are busy, I am just begging that you please open up just a little PLEASE" Her reply was "I've begged for lots of things you have not tried. I talk to you. If you have a problem with my level of conversation too bad. Deal with it or not. I really don't care!" So I merely said Ok, tell Austin good morning for me, and have a nice day. Dr. Paige, how long do I go on like this? I love her, but damn! What would it hurt to just open up a little and start to heal? I guess I could give her a taste of her own medicine...not contact her, wait for her to contact me, and then ONLY answer her questions...but I really don't see that as being healthy and productive. I know I have done things wrong, but here is the key...we are all human which means she too has made mistakes. Do we dwell on the mistakes of the past, or do we try to correct them, realizing we are human and will make more mistakes, but essentially move on? She is a great mother and a good woman, but I wonder sometimes if a life together with her would be this constant crap! Is it really worth the head and heart aches? Please advise! Thank you.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
How long do you deal with it? I don't know, how long do you? That is up to you. Giving her a taste of her own medicine may not be healthy or productive, but what would be okay to do would be to tell her that you really want to understand what is bothering her, but because she won't talk to you or tell you, this is the state that your relationship is in until she wishes to enlighten you. Tell her that you are and have been willing to meet her half way on things, but you can't fix what you don't know is broken. Tell her that when she is ready to talk to you about it, then to let you know. THEN minimize your contact with her and force her to contact you. I would be willing to bet that she would show her pride by waiting a very very long time before she did contact you. Just based on everything you have told me about her, I would guess that it is very difficult for her to show any weakness, or at least what she perceives as weakness by 'giving in' to you. I have no doubt this is how she looks at it and this is part of the problem. She obviously feels that whatever you did is severe enough to warrant this behavior. whether it is or isn't is not as relevant as where do you go from here. ASK her what she wants. ASK her to tell you what she wants. She expects you to know already. The fact that you don't is interpreted as you don't care. You have to get past this. The only way you can is to keep at her to open up to you. I have no problem with you wanting to back off of her and leave her alone for a bit. If nothing else, maybe it will force her to think about it in a different way. She is getting what she wants by you constantly trying to 'win her back' as you say. Back off a bit and see what happens.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1369
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Paige,


 


I want to give you a copy of a text conversation and tell me what you think.


 


Me 7:20 pm - What's my babies doing?


Sherry 7:21 pm - Watching BB


Sherry 7:21 pm - And eating chocolate


Me 7:38 pm - Don't eat too much sweety


Sherry 7:38 pm - Yeah


Me 7:39 pm - I only said it because I love you


Sherry 7:40 - I would at least like to eat a piece of chocolate in peace


Me 7:41 pm - Ok I'm sorry


Sherry 7:42 pm - Really rude of you to chastise me for having a piece of


chocolate.


Me 7:45 pm - Sherry please don't fight. I only said don't eat too much out


of love because you're diabetic baby. If I offended you that


wasn't my intention darling.


Sherry 7:47 pm - Yes it was offensive


Me 7:49 pm - And I think I said I was sorry for it. You saying your bed is


small for my "Fat Ass" was rather offensive also, but I


chose to ignore it!


Sherry 7:51 pm - Only said what you've said numerous time before


Sherry 7:51 pm - But fine. sorry


Me 7:51 pm - Sure


Sherry 7:51 pm - Sure


 


Dr. Paige I am growing very weary of this crap! If you can show me where this could remotely be offensive...I'm open to looking at that. However, I spelled it out...what my true intent and concern is. She is diabetic! Her sugar has spiked, and dropped numerous times in the three years we've dated. It was only out of concern. If you will notice at 7:51 she says "But fine. sorry" Not I'm sorry. She has also dropped the "I" out of I love you which I have already brought to your attention. Her reply to my I love you will always be "Love You". Maybe that doesn't mean anything, but it might, especially when it use to be "I love you too". When she goes to bed she texts Good night love you. Last night she text "Going to bed. Goodnight" so my reply was "Ok baby goodnight, sleep well, text when you wake". I will be damned if she isn't going to at least say "Love You" if I am going to say anything either. Maybe I am wrong in that. Maybe I should have chose to be the bigger person, but Paige it is hard to constantly be the bigger person. Constantly have to attempt to reach a bar that is just out of reach! I have told you that she and I can't really date like "normal" adults. She lives at home with her mother and her mother does not approve of our relationship. I dated her sister some 30 years ago, and I think it stems from that, and the fact that it started off as an affair and her sister and my ex-wife have her mother convinced that I am some sort of monster, a child and wife beater, or whatever. My response to that is if that were true...in nearly 17 years of marriage...where is the first police report for domestic violence? What about the first questionable injury report from a hospital? Surely in 17 years there would be at least one.


 


So we can't date like "Normal" adults


Don't know when or if she is ever going to join me


She won't open up and talk..she continues to punish me


She always finds a way to wiggle out of things


Don't know how much more I am willing to travel like this

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I don't understand why you can't say that you can't date normal adults. I feel I understand your situation and past. Maybe she has an issue with it because of her son and living with her mom. She probably retains some resentment and misery for the cards she has been dealt in life and take it out on others. I do think that the fat that you were with her sister and that her mother does not approve of your relationship all has bearing on her overall attitude and personality. She only looks for the negative in things, obviously as you can tell by your conversation. While most women are sensitive to their weight and you hit a nerve there, she constantly takes the bad and refuses to look for the good. I can see where she would be offended because she thinks you are attacking her weight. A big no no with women. I can't tell you that you should stick it out or leave or whatever, that is your call. If things aren't going to get any better and she isn't going to talk with you and reach some kind of level of communication understanding, than what are you going to do? While dating and being with a person is an important factor in life, you should not settle or be in a bad situation just because you have an opinion about the future. The key is to be happy and to be with someone who is mutually happy. If that is not happening, it doesn't matter if you think you can date normal people or not. I disagree with you and know there are no rules to being with people. If you have something with someone, you have it. It would be interesting to see what she would do if you stopped communicating with her. I'm sure it would be your fault of some sort. Maybe it's time to consider pulling away to see her reaction. Maybe then you can get a reaction from her to be able to get to her the seriousness of the situation.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Paige,


 


I either did not communicate correctly or you misread something. My "Not Being Able To Date" and "Normal Adults" meant we have to sneak around to see each other...which I understand because of the drama it would create in her household especially for her autistic son. However, it still gets old that she has to go "Shopping" and we have to meet half way for the day. Or she goes to "Work" and does not go to work but comes to see me for the day. The secretiveness kills me, though I understand it, I question what it is going to be like if and when we are ever really together...which I have my doubts. The "Fat Ass" comment was not directed toward her. You should go back and re-read that. She directed it toward ME. Yet, I let it go. But because I am concerned for her health and well being of her being a diabetic I am crucified for voicing it!

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Ok, I understand now. Yes, the sneaking around is no way to live either. If she really cares for you, she would tell the people in her life that do not approve of the relationship that its too bad. Things that she says to you are not as important as what you say to her obviously. She feels that everything you say to her has a double meaning. By saying she should not eat too much chocolate, that interprets as a weight comment. By you clarifying it to be a health concern, she feels you are just back tracking. She does not have the ability to be wrong and the first meaning that she took from it is THE meaning, regardless of what you explain. This is where she needs to learn to be open.
I'm sorry I misinterpreted some of your question, it's clear now. I still think you should maybe back off a bit and see what her response is. Like I said, you have to think about the situation and if it isn't going to change, what your life will be like and how you want to handle that. If you are not happy, then what are you doing? What has to change for you to be happy? What has to change for HER to be happy??
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1369
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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