It is consuming me,, I am not able to keep friendships or a healthy relationship,,I have a bf ,,3months,I am jealous of women that he has been with that i dont even know,,My heart is broken ,,I hate turning this kind of pain inward,,all the counseling in the world hasnt helped me,,,This may be hard to understand ,,,I feel like all his experiences that he has had with others,& not me means that there is nothing left for me,,,Its like I am too late to be reated nice ,I want to be treated special,,unlike any of the others,,,please help
I want you to look at things a little different
You mentioned about his experiences with others and you feelings like your too late.
When you are in love with someone ally hose experience are new because they mean more.
*When you are in love with someone all those experiences are new because they mean more.
What ever he has experienced before doesn't mean the same as when he was with someone else.
Let me explain things this way when you are in love with someone the past does not matter to that person because all these experiences are new too them. You can take a walk on the beach with someone that is a friend, but when you take a walk on the beach with someone you love everything seems new. There are things you don't even notice that you notice now that you are in love. It is like looking at the ocean a whole new way. When someone is in love they look at things in a whole new way.
Your jealousy I understand that is is consuming you and you are not able to focus on your relationship.
I am sure all your thoughts are not on the relationship but the relationship he has had in the past, but I really want you to try and understand that is the past and he is with you and is in love with you and you both will be making new memories and new experiences together, but you have to focus on each other and not others from his past.
I also want you to look at where the jealousy comes from, a lot of times you can figure things out from childhood.
This type of behavior could be linked to something in childhood.
I also want you to begin to think differently. You want to feel and be that confident person where you do not need to be tat jealous person because you are center of attention.
You want to be that person that is no longer jealous so that you can have friendships and healthy relationships the first step is knowing their is a problem. You already know that it is causing a problem in your life, but now you have to stop yourself. When you begin to feel jealous you need to talk about why you are with the person you are jealous with.
You want to be able to explain your emotions and I feel if the other person explained why not to be jealous it would help you not be jealous.
Also you do not want to talk about the past when you are in a new relationship. That person has moved on from their ex and you are the new person in their life,they do not want to be remind of the past, they left the past behind.
They want to start over with someone new that they love and adore.
I dont know how to do this,,I have huge abandonment issues,,and often feel unworthy of being cared for or even loved
I have struggled with this all my life,,my bf cant even look at a girl, or talk about his past without me getting upset,,I dont like being this way,,
not sure where to start,,I am a only child,,I have never met or seed my father,,i am 50 years old,,My mother didnt want me or care what happens to me ,,she had a bf,who had 3kids,all older , they were physicaly and mentally abusive,,knowing this mother did nothing,, i often watched them at christmas and othern times opening gifts,,,I was a very sad and angry girl,,I do not know what else to say,,, I feel like i dont belong,,one bad guy after another,,lost friendships due jealousy also.. i trust no one
Thanks for answering me....One thing i didnt mention was that.all my yrelationships have been really abusive in mentaly & physicaly....i was withy ex bf for.two years.... He never would would take me anywhere.ever....i was tIo ugly to be seen with....he wluld aleays hit me ,in front of everyone... My need for attention is high& i am constantly waiting for my current bf toleave orhit me..& he is not the type to do that he is patient & seems.to care i guess. I am always doubting him & pouting when he ignores me or it seems to be that he is
I am scared that ,he is becoming more distant and that i have failed again,, I was recently seeing someone who said that my sole purpose on this earth is to know what its like to not be loved,,and I will not have this beautiful man if i dont change something,, I live in fear that he will leave
What can i do....& i do think u can help me...& i need the help deslerately
Is there any books you would recomend for me
what else is there,, we got into a argument today,, a picture of his ex fell out of the glove boxas he was opening it and I became distant and withdrawn,,and i hate myself for being the way i am
heasked me if i want it burned,,and of course i said no,,,I have thrown this in his face I am comparing myself,,and ran myself down ,,,,I have no friends because I cant stand the thought of him looking or talking to anyone,,or a girl talking to him,,it is sick and i hate feeling so hateful,,,it really is killing me inside & my worst fear of being left could come true
I have tried,,je can be very understanding most of the time,,,I do not express myself very well,,,he acts or I snould say I perceive it as though he just dont care..,i am too sensitive and I wish I was hard and didnt .............please help me.....Im causing what i was afraid of ....Im saying hurtful things...& yelling...at myboy friend...,& he is to the point of leaving.....& i dont know what to do.... I self sabatage everything
Please help me.....My emotions are out of contr...I just got into a argument...& I am creating what i fear the most....I am afraid i have lost him for good...& i dont know what to do......i ruin everything ..that could make me happy......i dont know how to explain myself