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Ask Kate McCoy Your Own Question

Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5760
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Customer Question

My girlfriend and I got in to an argunment late one night last week. We have been seeing one another for 4 years. We used to live together, but it got too stressful while i was working full time and going to school full time so I elected to move out and livve on my own a couple of years ago. She has been living with her dad ever since and coming to stay with me a few nights a week. She was living with her dad prior to meeting me as well. I have since asked her to live together again and she has made no gestures toward that goal. The problem is that she demads a lot from me but essentially whatever decisions she makes on her own do not include me. It was almost as if we were living two seperate lives but still a couple? Anyway, I got angry when again, she complained I was watching TV (with volume low) because I could not sleep. I even offered to go to another room as I have in the past but this time because of the way she was treating me I snapped and told her no. That if she does not like it she can leave. She told me she would not be coming back and I have not seen nor heard from her since. Sheould I contact her?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It depends on whether or not you feel it is ok to deal with the same issues you have been dealing with. If your girlfriend demands a lot from you and basically wants to have things her way, then unless she sees this behavior as an issue, she will continue to treat you the same way if you see her again.

However, if you feel your girlfriend might be willing to compromise with you and work on improving your relationship, it is definitely worth contacting her again. That would mean that you could improve your relationship and make it work for both of you.

If you decide to contact her again, try to sit down with her and work out how you can communicate your needs to one another. For example, if she wants to makes a decision that affects both of you, then request that she talk to you about it and let you know her thoughts. And you promise to do the same with her. Or you can ask her what she would want you to change. Work out how this would look to both of you. If it helps, write down your answers. That way, there is no going back and saying that it was not agreed upon.

But if you feel you do not want to work this out with her, it is probably best to contact her once more and explain that you are ending the relationship and moving on. You don't want to just walk away. Even if you do not get along now, you still had a long term relationship. And it is always good to end on the best terms you can.

I hope this has helped you,
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have heard different advice such as since she walked out (granted it was when I said "If you do not like what I do in my own home then you may leave." I would lose if I tried to contact her first. Also there is so much "no contact" advice out there. Does that even work?

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 3 years ago.
It depends on if you are willing to lose the relationship. Communicating at least gets you what you need. But with no contact, you leave the relationship to chance.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 3 years ago.
This resource might help you:

You can also try not communicating to see if that works. Try it for a week or so longer to see if she does respond. If not, then you might want to decide if you want to contact her.


May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have to be honest with you in that so far this is generic. I have not heard anything I have not already heard or did not know.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 3 years ago.
I am sorry that you felt the answers were not helpful. I will opt out and let another expert help you.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I paid for this? I noticed it already came out of my account? How so?

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