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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hi Kate, I have been seeing a woman for several months and

Customer Question

Hi Kate,
I have been seeing a woman for several months and we both liked each other a lot. Last Monday she informed me she had a severe depression relapse and cut herself. We then went from talking and texting a lot each day do very minimal every few days. She stated she still misses me a lot and likes me (and said that to me two nights ago).Yesterday i sent a few texts and was ignored..i asked if she was alright a few times still no response. How can i resolve this as we had an amazing bond?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, and thank you for requesting my help. It's good to hear from you!

Based on this woman's behavior, it sounds like she might have a personality disorder. If she cuts herself, that could be a sign. Her treatment of you and the intensity of your relationship is also telling. It depends on how often she does this and her other symptoms but the behavior you are describing seems to fit.

The fact that she might have a personality disorder helps you to understand why she is acting as she is and how to respond to her. Cutting you off and refusing to respond can be part of the symptoms. The up and down nature of her interaction with you can be caused by her issues as well. Someone who says they like you, spends a lot of time with you, then suddenly cuts you off has issues other than the relationship between you. If she was unhappy with your relationship, it would have been easy for her to just say she wanted to end the relationship or take a break. She also could have explained what she was feeling. But she just stops contacting you without telling you why.

You can continue to try to contact her but that might get you the same response. Instead, try backing off. Talk to her if she contacts you but then let it go. Usually someone with a personality disorder likes to be pursued so they can control the relationship. But if you back off, they will often reestablish contact because they feel abandoned. It is the up and down, on/off nature of the relationship they enjoy.

It would also help to learn more about personality disorders to see if her behavior fits. The more you know, the more you can understand how to respond to her behavior. Here are some resources to help:

http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydisorders/a/personalitydis.htm

http://www.psychology today.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201209/can-people-personality-disorders-have-healthy-relationships

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders

I hope this has helped,
Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you for your help. I didnt mention we have not seen each other in about two months just contact daily over phone or texts. I have confirmed she blocked me on twitter and a few other sites without reason. Besides from her recent texts saing she missed me a lot she had another on Saturday saying I was pushing her away by not giving her space to heal.


This was the first time she has ever hurt herself.


 


Im just lost because she was so into me and after the event she assured me she still liked me and just needed time to heal. I eased off but still contacted her daily which may have pushed her away.


 


I just need the best aciton to get her back.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
The best way to get her attention is to back off for a while. With someone like her, she craves you pursuing her yet when you do, she holds you at a distance. By backing off, you can say you are giving her space. Most likely, she will try to get closer to you if you do that.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the positive rating and bonus! I appreciate it. Let me know how it goes with her. A relationship like this is hard to navigate.

Take care,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Kate,


 


So i talked to Katie last night after she met with a new psychiatrist. She called me and we talked about the past week and 1/2 about how hard it has been for her. She said she really needs her space and explained that she likes me a lot but needs to heal as this is one of the worst depressions that has hit her.


She also explained how she is younger (22 senior in school) and will flirt and interact with guys but she likes me still.


The positive note is i asked what i could do to help her get through everything and it was just give her space.


I asked if i shouldnt contact her again and she said she wants to keep in contact after some time and when she gets better she would want to try our relationship out again.


 


All i can do is respect her wishes and hope she heals soon.


Thanks again.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Haha are you aren't based out of Virginia are you? i'm going to wait this one through and reach out to her in a few weeks.


I have plenty of sports and hobbies to keep me occupied.


She really is something special and im willing to wait and find out. Its just a shame that she got depressed again as everything was going so well.


Thanks for your advice and i am sure i will be asking for more in a few weeks.


I have dealt with relationships for many years but i always seek advice. This time i think Katie is worth fighting for and she did give me the false hope of once she is healed she wants to try us out again.


 


Oh well thanks again.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! Take care

Kate

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