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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My wife found out I am watching some porn movies, and she is

Customer Question

My wife found out I am watching some porn movies, and she is mad like I was cheting on her. And she accused me crazy, and i am just thinking about sex all the time.
Am I normal or not? I never pushed her doing sex when she doesn't ino it. I am also caring about her and our son, so from my point of view is not about sex. The truth is I never have sex other than with her.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello and thank you for your question. Unfortunately, you are in the same position as many men find themselves in. Porn and sex in general is looked at by men and women with two completely different perspectives. Just about all men look at porn and just about all women view this as cheating and they react exactly as your wife has. You will have a very difficult time convincing her that this isn't cheating and that it has nothing to do with her. These are feelings ingrained in most women because society has taught women that you have to be skinny, beautiful and please your man or else he will cheat. If she is looking at this as you cheated, then she is spending every second wondering what's wrong with her and how she can change so you won't do it again. She is blaming herself and wondering what shortfalls SHE has that caused you to do this.
The fact is, men who are married to the most beautiful women still have a desire to look at porn and it doesn't have anything to do with them or any shortfalls that they have. Women don't understand that porn is just a fantasy world.
At this point, the only thing you can do is to continue to tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her and that it does mean nothing. Encourage her to look up why men look at porn online, because most research will show that it has nothing to do with the woman.
You need to decide if you are going to continue to look at porn or if you will stop to respect your wife. Whatever your choice is, you need to live with the results.
There is nothing specific you can say or do which will make her forgive you and things will go back to as they were. This has happened and there is no changing it. She is convinced of what she is convinced of and changing her mind is going to be very difficult if not impossible. You have experienced a huge gap in the difference between men and women and it is not an easy thing to change.
Lots of talking and trying to reach an understanding is going to be your only course of action here. Try and be supportive and see her point of view, not just push yours on her.

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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
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Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist