How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
40019946
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive been with my boyfriend for 11 yrs. Ive done most of the

Customer Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 11 yrs. I've done most of the work during this time to keep us and his 2 kids afloat. In the past 8 months he started working at a auto shop for a widowed woman. There have been several incidents were I confronted him about their relationship. He stays at this shop an average of 19 hrs. a day. If I ask questions he get angry and shuts down. When he is home he usually just wants to sleep. I believe he is trying to push me away so he can begin a more physical relationship with her or other woman. I am 51 yrs. old and he is 47. I've helped him raise his two children, they are both of age now. This is my family and I feel like it is being ripped from me. He says he still loves me but my behavior has pushed him towards breaking up with me. He claims I have humiliated him, but he has lied to me, had an affair, let me down many times and I forgave him each time and we moved on. Now it seems he has a true opportunity to ease our lives financially, but he doesn't think he can do it with me at his side. He puts this woman before me. I caught them at the shop one night, all the lights were off, doors were locked and the would not let me in. When they did they both denied anything going on that she was upset and he comforted her. Now she does not want me at the shop. She buys him food while at work. If he is sick she buys him medicine and soup. She cuts his hair and has given him a jacket that belonged to her late husband. She is my age and believe she has fallen in love with my boyfriend because he has literally saved her business from closing down. I feel what is mine is being taken away with every passing day. I can not call him because he says he's always too busy to talk. Also, I found out he is using meth. I found it about 5 months ago. I believe he is not a heavy user but there are some symptoms that are noticeable. We are still intimate, but usually only every 5 to 7 days. He has watched porn in the past but he now watches it every day for at least 2 hours a day. I've checked his computer. I've also noticed a correlation between what he watches and what he requests of me during sex. We went months were he would have difficulty getting and maintaining and erection. This was never a problem before he started working at this shop. However, when he sleeps he almost always has huge erections, even when he wakes it's still erect. But these last 2 months that has changed. He has not difficulty with erections and maintain them but I have to participate in the sex acts he request. He doesn't do anything that will hurt me but he knows I have always been insecure about my body and not very experienced. Even with the things I have declined to do he keeps asking until I give in. I don't know if it's me he wants or what he sees on porn. I feel lost and alone. I lost my job and do not have much money, he owes me so much money I've lost track. Now, he says we should consider getting our own places. I'm shocked and confused. He will not answer my questions as to why or what is going on. I need advice, please help. How do I go on?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I wish I could give you hope, but there is very little here.

Your boyfriend has a new benefactor who is much more important to his economic survival or well-being than ever before.

She treats hims like he is her husband, even feeding him and cutting his hair, and now he is wearing the dead husband's clothing.

He is even using you to act out his porn fantasies' which show that your intimate relationship as has been reduced to this.

He is already a confirmed liar and cheater. He is also a coward. When you ask him if he want you to leave him or if he no longer loves you, he is afraid to tell you the truth, although his actions speak very clearly.

I am afraid that you find it very difficult to face the truth. He won't tell you. He just shrugs his shoulders and says he doesn't know what he wants. That is not the body language of an honest and forthright person.

I don't mean to hurt you, if you can be hurt any more than you already are, but it seems that he is waiting for you to break up with him, perhaps so he can feel that he doesn't owe you anything.

I urge you to try to make him give you a bigger share of what he is getting and try to recover some of your investment, if that is essential to you.

If you can afford to move on, then ease him out of your life. I don't think that he will give up his good advantage. From what you have said about him, I am sure that a wonderful woman such as yourself, could fine a man of better character, one that really cared about her, if she was determined to find one.

I believe it would be easier to get someone else than to make this one change enough to be worth keeping.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you great success.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions