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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My wife told me she had an emotional affair which almost went

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My wife told me she had an emotional affair which almost went into a sexual affair but said no at the last minute.
My question is why did she tell me about an experience that happened three years ago?.
How emotionally and physically was she involved?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It could be that your wife told you now because she felt guilty. Many relationships go through ups and downs. And when your wife strayed, she may have felt she had reasons to do so, whether they were real or not (many people who cheat feel they are justified when there is really no reason to cheat no matter what is going on in the relationship). Since then, she may have worked through whatever she felt was wrong with your relationship and now feels closer to you. Because of that, she might have decided to be open and honest so she could clear the air and work on being closer to you.

Another reason someone confesses to past infidelity is personal change. People can grow emotionally and when they do, they sometimes change enough to correct past dysfunctional behavior such as infidelity or deception. By doing this, it can help a relationship to heal and the couple become closer.

It sounds like your wife might have been emotionally involved enough that she felt physical attraction. But at some point, whatever physical attraction she felt was not enough to make her cross that boundary into a sexual affair. While an emotional affair is damaging, the boundary she stopped at may say that she does hold value in your marriage enough to stop herself from hurting you further.

I hope this has helped you,
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Thank you very much for the positive rating and the bonus! I appreciate it.

My best to you and your wife,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

We got married in1986, at that time I was in a financial arrangement with my former partner, I did not tell my wife until 2005 at which time the financial arrangement fell through at a large dollar lost.
My wife was not only unhappy but angry becausr she felt that i had deceived her all those years, She thought I lied, tried to keep information from her purposely. Her anger turned into unhappines to the extent that she considered devorce and an almost an affair but did not thanks to her religious background. She still has hurt feelings after 27 years'

My question is what should I have said and done in 2005 and what should she have said and done at that time.

Our marriage is much better now SINCE WE ARE DICUSING THE PAST AND THE FUTURE


Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Did you receive my new question/

It is hard to say exactly would have worked back then. There are many factors involved. However, if you had decided to be truthful with her then, that was a good decision. Apologizing for waiting to tell her would have helped followed with some work on how to rebuild the trust between you. It sounds like your wife was hurt because you hid something from her and that alters her ability to trust you. So working on trust between you would have helped. How your wife would have reacted to that is very hard to tell. I would have to know her to figure out information like that. Hopefully, she would have agreed to work on trust with you and you both would have resolved this issue.


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