I did ask ask the gay birthday guy for his phone number but he stated he only met him once and didn't have it.He then later stated that he was a tourist off the street and that I would be just be another notch on his bed and I should find a guy who will put a ring on my finger.I found this very distressing.
I became quite upset and angry that same night and was harrassing this gay guy on the phone for the lodgers number.Which I realise now was innappropriate.The work colleague who was putting him up was also there getting a beauty treatment by gay guy.
I the asked the female work colleage if she could ask him if I could have his number.She stated he was in Queensland now but will ask him when he gets back.
Everything was kept low profile.The female work colleague suggested I find a nice guy or go on a dating site.I realised something was not right,so I did not mention him again as I thought it would reach stalker status.I felt myself becoming obsesses with the issue.
About a year later the female colleague told me that the lodger was going back to the UK because he was overstayed his working visa 13 years.She stated he needed to go back because he was always worried about being caught and also for health reasons.
My feelings were of sadness and myself.But I decided to be logical and agree it was the best thing for him to do.She stated it would be good for him to go back settle and meet a girl.She would on occassions bring him up in conversation and talk about what he was doing.But funnily when I asked about him she would trivialize my interest by not giving much information or making out he is not such a good friend.
After this I decided to minimize my socializing with her because i found her volunteering information about him distressful i really did not want to know if he had met a girl etc.
Can you please give me some more insight..Thanks
Do you think there was anything that i could of done or was the situation right out of my control.
Actually I think it appears they were being controlling and keeping him away from me for good intentions but i think if that was the case they would of made it clear from the beginning that he was here in oz temporarily.I think because they are my work colleagues and my manager dislikes me they didin't want me to be an obvious part of there group.If they guy was that bad then his male friend would of not encouraged our interaction.
Or is blaming the manager just a coping mechanism
I do feel they were keeping you away from him.
It seems that they felt you should have been with someone else.
You mentioned the manager does not like you and you feel that maybe they didn't want you in their group.
One thing I also wanted to mention is you do not know if someone else might have liked him and felt that he liked you. They knew they would have not had a chance if you had his number. You both had an instant attraction to each other that was very clear. What you should have done was not let them control the situation.
You should have got his number right away to set up a date with one another. Some times people interfere with relationships that is very common. People have a lot of opinions on who they feel should be together, but only you know who you are attracted to and want to spend the rest of your life with, that is your choice not anyone else's.
I feel they should have let you make that decision. If you felt he wasn't right for you, you would have not dated him, but you needed to figure that out for yourself.
They should have let you do that so you didn't have to always wonder about how he is doing. I would still try to contact him.
See if you can get an e-mail address and just send a simple e-mail talking about the amazing night you had at the party.
It wasn't till a while later that The work colleague accidently left her mobile at work then rang me at work and asked me to put it in her draw.Although he was back in the UK i saw it as an opportunity to get his number.I rang his number from her phone and there was a voicemail message but i didn't leave a message as it had been a long time and I think it bordered on stalkining.
But a few days later i noticed on facebook that she became friends with him.I only knew his first name but assumed it was him from the other information.I was surprised because he didn't appear the computer literate type.I sent a friend request and he added me.We had small polite conversation but i got the impression he was not interested as he did not ever initiate.i assumed he was back home far away and really did not want me bothering him especially since i only met him once.
The emails i sent were based on concern and a bit of humour but i did not think it was appripriate to have serious conversation.
I did consider fronting up at the place he was staying when he was here but i felt that was stalking and innapropriate.
Also at the end of the birthday party he did not mention about catching up again he just had a worried look on his face.
Of course initially i thought i would of gotten him quickly because i only met him once. But later I developed alot of physical symptoms associated with wanting him which i had not developed before to that degree.Also during the time i became very angry with those workmates because the situation was making me unwell and i did not feel they were supporting me.I began to feel hopeless like i would never get anyone because there was always thuis interference I could not handle.
I think i also have issues with my parents being quite controlling and at the time i was also overwhelmed by my feelings.At the time I did not have the skills or support to be able to deal with it and freaked out.I also suffer from depression and thought that I would never be able to keep up with them socially anyway.So I actually hoped it would all go away.
You keep mentioning that they thought i should be with someone else? I did not have anyone else in my life at the time.
Actually i remember the gay guy mentioning someone else, a previous work colleague who always sat next to me but was also in a relationship at the time.anyway I came to dislike him because he became abusive towards me on an occassion in front of other work colleagues.At that time he was mentioned by the gay guy i think he was out of the relationship.Its funny how looking back now it seems to them it was just some controlling game to occupy them and they really did not have anyones interest at heart.I can understand why the lodger chose that particular time to go back to UK .He's decided he really doesn't want anything to do with me because it is reminding him of the whole silly situatiion.
The only contact I have with him is on facebook.What do you suggest i say to him?
during the time I wondered whether it was actually the female co-worker who put him up was the one that liked him .At times her information concerning him was inconsistent.Initially she trivialised the relationship with her and her then partner describing him as "just a lodger in between places"
Later in conversation to someone else she stated "he stayed with us for so long"
She had been living with her partner for ten years and got married 6months after I met the lodger she stated the lodger encouraged it,
I feel she did not want me to be part of the group and was afraid that lodger would choose me over her group.