How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1380
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
15718554
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Dr. Paige. Hello. I have met up with a man for 3 or 4 dates

Resolved Question:

Dr. Paige. Hello. I have met up with a man for 3 or 4 dates that I met on a dating site. Things seemed to be going well the first few times although the dates were far between. He said that he would be in touch to let me know when he could see me after we had met twice but inbetween he would come off the site as we had agreed. However, when I got home, I came off and asked him to and then I asked him to let me know when he'd like to meet. I didn't hear anything so I went onto the site and he hadn't left. I then found that I could see on the site that a lot of women liked him and other men from the same place, simalar and the same age. When I asked him about this, he said that it was a regenerated programmed thing but I can tell otherwise because it says the same on my profile but it's people I'd talked to before. Plus I told him the truth. Then once I knew that we were going out, I stopped contact with them. He also told me that he loved me and wanted to commit but there has been no sign of it and it seems like just talk. I met him again in February but I found him to be very controlling, abusive, threatening and didn't like me asking anything. He's never taken me for a meal or even a drink and doesn't seem that interested in things that I enjoy. He works us seeing each other around his job or puts me off until a lot later than promised. I told him that it was over after last time we met because of signs of abuse but I kept it open saying that if he wanted to go out then he'd have to contact me. Again, I heard nothing. I contacted him on the site and we started texting but he rang late at night and was dirty to me, disrespectful so I put the phone down and then he got angry saying that I'd only got one more chance. Then covered things up saying that he doesn't get angry. He arranged to meet me but he stopped texting and never came. I heard from him today and last night but he's been much the same, dirty, disrespectful and I asked him a question, he became angry saying that if I didn't trust him then I should leave him. He then stopped texting again and he's been trying to wean me around to making love today but his focus doesn't seem to be on the relationship and seems uninterested. I honestly think that he's cheating for sex or has another woman that he loves. There so much evidence of what he's said and him being online late that I think he may be getting email from the site, new women view him, messaging them or added them from the bingo and then meeting them for a drink or maybe women in the pub where he lives. I wonder whether to meet him again or move on because he wears me down and is selfish. What would be the best thing? Thank you. Louise, 29.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
This man sounds like bad news in my opinion. You need to listen to your instincts and go by how you feel. If he wears you down and is selfish, talks down to you, makes you feel bad, then that is your answer right there. It does sound a bit like he is cheating with you or that he has other intentions. When he said about wanting to be committed, it seems as though he was making an excuse. I think you need to move on. You don't need to be with someone who makes you feel bad.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Dr. Paige. Thank you for the information. It does seem odd and adds up to that. Last week, after we'd decided on meeting, he went quiet when I wouldn't talk dirty and didn't come to see me and then this morning, he said about meeting tomorrow but then said he'd meet when I'm ready and was talking about getting me pregnant. He said that he wanted to stay together and then went quiet again, I haven't heard anything since. I feel that he's keeping me meeting him later so that he can see another woman tomorrow instead and probably did that last week when he said that he'd lost his mobile phone. Either that or he's got some online that he's replied to after we met and is keeping me meeting later to talk to them and he makes excuses saying that he's working or taking his son away. He may have somebody on holiday and I feel that he lies about the dating site, replying to these women that he says he doesn't. With him being abusive, I may be better to stay clear of him. Louise, 29.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I think you should stay clear of him. A man who talks about getting someone pregnant and can't even be dedicated enough to see you on a regular basis at a reasonable time, has problems. He seems like the type of man who likes to "collect" women for his own needs in order to feel good about himself. The odds of him becoming a loyal and dedicated person is not very good I'm afraid. At least at this point in his life.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Dr. Paige. Thank you for the advice. Yes, I think that you're right. The dates have been few and far between, the excuse being that he works long hours. He talked of committing and says that were going out but his actions showed otherwise and it was always me contacting, him not replying if I didn't do what he wanted or he couldn't control me. He was weaking too and I didn't feel secure with him. I've dumped him quite a few times, one being this morning then he opens things up, wants to stay together but straight after just went again and no replies to my texts. I think enough is enough now and I shouldn't give him any more chances, he takes advantage. Louise, 29.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I agree. His behavior is not consistent with a man interested in a serious relationship.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Dr. Paige. So if he texts again, then would it be best to not reply? I think that I should keep all contact cut from now on and not message him online either because he'd keep messing me about. Louise, 29.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
You should do what you feel best doing. If you are able to avoid him where you live, then you can ignore him. I would suggest telling him that you are breaking it off with him, just so both of you can have some closure.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Paige. He has text now but I can tell that he's avoiding my questions, changing the subject and doesn't seem completely honest. Yes. I'm starting to think that I might be best doing that too and being strong because otherwise he weakens me and I give in again. He seems to only want to be together, text when it suits him too and everything is on his terms. He's still being dirty and rude too. I wish that I'd left it at that because I keep dumping him. Thank you. Louise, 29.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Ok, no problem. Yes, I would leave him alone at this point.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Paige. Hello. I met up with the man from the site on Monday to see if things were any better. At first, things seemed to be going ok. I then noticed that old ways were creeping in and he was interested in talking about my past. When we got to the house, he got abusive again after a while and he seemed to be laughing, enjoying upsetting me and past talk. I told him that I didn't want us to talk about our past. I also said that I wanted us to concentrate and what we liked doing together, not what we've done with exs and he didn't seem keen. He was again controlling, not letting me say what I wanted, getting angry, threatening and said that he didn't want me to ask questions as he'd already told me the answers no. He later told me to shut up. It was the final straw and I said I would like him to take me home but he didn't want to. He told me to forget it but I thought he meant us, I was upset and he said that he meant forget asking questions and that I mix up everything that he says. He told me that he goes to a night with male friends, a singles night of divorcees and talk about problems with ex wives and money issues etc. He also wouldn't tell his son about us yet although we'd been meeting for about 2 to 3 years over time with the dates but he knew about the ex wifes boyfriend. I could then tell he wasn't serious about us. On the way home in the car, I was going to be quiet because he'd been angry and threatening on previous dates when I asked him things. Unfortunately, I asked him about the going out with friends to the pub and he said it wasn't a singles thing and that me and him were going out, weaning it around to his own way because I'd stood up to him and said that if he's with me, he shouldn't be going out pretending to be single. He was dismissive of me on the way home, sounding like work was more important to him and wanted to work me around his life. When I asked why he'd taken so long to contact me to meet he said that he'd been working yet I hadn't heard anything to meet a week after we'd met as promised and I saw him online alot. He didn't seem bothered. He said that he'd let me know that he couldn't meet and then said his mobile phone had broken, he couldn't come because his son rang after work so he saw him instead of coming to me. He started mixing up details, then I began thinking that he must have somebody else. I went to kiss him before getting out of the car because he said he couldn't move for the seat belt so he didn't even kiss me in the end. I dumped him the next morning and he hasn't replied to anything since. I'm sick of his behaviour with me. Should I keep contact cut now and don't meet him again or see if he changes and meet again? He seems a very angry, abusive and controlling man. Louise, 29.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello again. There is no way I would encourage you to see him again. He will not change. You have seen this pattern of behavior. He is an angry, abusive and controlling man. You need to not see him again unless you want him to continue to treat you this way.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Hello. Thank you for this advice. Yes, I agree with you. I've found even more evidence today of lies/dishonesty because when we were due to meet a week before we did, he was saying that he only chatted to me on the phone and by text message and that he looked at E-mails online but that was all. He also said that the computer automatically logged him onto the dating site and he wasn't actually using it. I now see evidence that he was on the night when he said this to me because there is a message on that night and time saying would I like to chat so I reckon that he talks dirty to other women on the dating site. Also, the next night when he stopped texting me, there are again messages from him on the dating site. He told me that he'd lost him phone. It seems obvious that he's cheating or hiding things. Plus, he said that I sent him 800 text messages, I hadn't and he says that he works from 8am until 11pm at night. It sounds like he's either making excuses not to see me or isn't interested or that he has another woman. I feel that I should stay clear from this man and that he's weaning me around as an abuse cycle to just keep me in the game, to weaken me to get his own way. I don't believe that he is as genuine or as honest as I thought. Louise, 29.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I would say there is nothing about him which is honest or respectable in any way if this is how he continues to treat you. You need to stay clear of him and move on.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1380
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Counselor
1380 Satisfied Customers
Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist