Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am truly sorry to know about this painful situation.
Only you know how frustrating and overwhelming it could feel for you to suddenly find yourself facing a situation like this. Sadly what your girlfriend has told you shows her confusion, conflicts and expectations. No doubt this is very scary for you to witness once you have developed a relationship, where attachment and affection are already involved, but as you said, there is nothing anybody in your shoes should do, to keep another person close if that person does not feel the same.
This situation seems to show how she did not process what happened in this past relationship, and when that happens, scenarios like this could arise anytime. In her case it's been only 8 months, but people could take years and still have unresolved feelings - attachment to ex-partners, and that would deeply impact the way they shape present relationships and how they evolve.
In relationships, it is not only about people who to want to be together, but about both feeling the other as the best partner to share at those levels, and when there are doubts about it, there is noway a relationship could evolve and grow as a healthy and fulfilling one.
This is why I believe you are wise coming to terms with the fact she needs to find out what she feels, wants and to work on what resolving any issues affecting her ability to be truly present and build a relationship with you.
The best you could do is to continue to show real respect and support, being totally honest and open about what you feel and fear about this situation, but it would be her who would choose what she wants to do and from there afford the consequences. That would part of her own learning process, and even when you and other people could see how dysfunctional and self-sabotaging it could be for her to expose to this same person over again, he best you can do is to respectfully XXXXX XXXXX support and hope she could be open to listen and handle this situation with carefulness.
I can see you have joined the chat, but it seems the chat's technical issues are not allowing you to post. I would change the format from chat to postings in order for you to be able to reply. Thank you for your patience.
Did you get my response?
Hi, thanks for your response. I agree that it is an emotional thing to realise that the person you care for has unresolved feelings for their ex. The hardest thing is working out a way to approach my girlfriend on the issue. I want to cnvince her to stay with me but deep down know that that will not achieve anything. I feel lost
So you think I should allow her the space she needs to work through this? That involves her moving back to Poland from Australia, which essetially means she will be leaving me indefinatley. I suppose I realise that there is nothing I can or should do to convince her to stay, it is just very painfull to feel rejected. I am upset withmyself that I am letting this situation make me feel so weak. I am usually a very strong person but rejection is a killer. I can't compete with the memory of an ex and I shouldn't have to. But still it is very hard. I am so scared of telling her that it is over because I know she will say yes it is. And then it is really over. But I also know that it is over and the more we 'talk' about it, it is getting us nowhere.