How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy Your Own Question

Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Kate McCoy is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

my son has anxiety when he speaks to me on the phone. Years

Resolved Question:

my son has anxiety when he speaks to me on the phone. Years ago their was an enmeshment issue between us when the marriage was bad. I am fortunate enough he tells me, so his acknowledgement may lead him toward healing one day.
We haven't been enmeshed for many years, but will he ever be able to speak to me again without anxiety???
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hi Dee! Is it alright if I answer? As before I am fine with you getting an answer from another expert if you want. No problem at all.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Kate,
Thanks for picking up my question. I checked before I wrote this question to see if you are online, and it showed you were offline. Being that you are here, I would be happy if you answered my question. I am so sad because he told me again today his anxiety level rose while on the phone with me. I told him sometimes as parents, we make big mistakes and don't realize the long term effect on our kids. Shorty after, he said, can I call you back? Either he had another call or couldn't deal with even addressing it. Thanks
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Or maybe both, as he had a quick call to make to the college student aid office.
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Sorry Dee. I got caught up. I am working on your answer.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
take your time Kate, no rush.
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Thanks Dee. Sorry about that.

It is very possible for your son to eventually be able to talk to you without anxiety. At this point, he may just be used to how things were between you and still be associating memories and experiencing emotions about it when he talks with you. He needs time to realize that you have changed and that the past will not be repeated. And he is young as well. While it may not appear to affect the situation, he may not realize how people can change and that with time, you will be there for him in the way he needs you to be. He just needs time to see that.

What might help is to try to bond with him by having some fun conversations. Before you talk to him again, try to find something you think he would enjoy like a joke or short story about something funny that happened to you. Or talk to him about his favorite thing to do, favorite food or what he finds most fun about being with his friends. Something along those lines. If he starts to associate laughter and lighthearted conversations with you, then he may relax easier. Also, you may already do this, but keep the lines of communication open for him and reassure him that you are willing to talk about anything he needs to discuss. And try keeping the conversations about him without bringing up what he is feeling. Sometimes talking about the issues helps a lot other times it helps the relationship heal if you focus on other things to talk about, particularly if you have already discussed the topic before.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you Kate, suggestions well taken. Good day to you.
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome Dee. I think there is a lot of hope that your relationship will eventually be very close. You are trying with him and you care. That helps so much to repair the relationship.

Take care,

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency