How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1376
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
15718554
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive been feeling a lot of anxiety about my relationship lately.

Resolved Question:

I've been feeling a lot of anxiety about my relationship lately. My boyfriend of about 16 months is wonderful. He treats me so well and is sweet and kind and loving. We never fight and always seem to have fun when we are together. However, lately I've been starting to wonder if I am with him because he treats me so well or if I am with him because I really love him. We are starting to get serious, but every time he mentions the future or marriage I clam up and get super nervous. I know that I care about him, but making a long term commitment scares me. I don't want to hurt him but am not sure if he is "the one" or just someone I care deeply about.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. What you are feeling is completely normal and you shouldn't feel bad for it. You may just be on a different time line as he is. There are a lot of factors which come into play, as far as how old you both are, the place you are in your lives, what your goals are, what his goals are, etc. These are all things you need to think about when evaluating your current relationship. If you are still wondering the reasons why you are with him, then it isn't time to make solid plans for the future. You need to be sure that he is the one for you. Being treated well, having fun when you are together and him being sweet and kind are all wonderful factors in a relationship, so you need to decide what else you need to be certain. You do have a lot of things going for your relationship right now which are wonderful, but if you have doubt, then that doubt is important for you to address within yourself. If you are not sure how to address this with him, it depends on how he brings things up and what he brings up. You can be positive and acknowledge his enthusiasm without being rude or hurtful. You can leave the situation open ended and have the anything is possible attitude about it instead of shutting everything down. As long as he is talking about a longer time period down the road and not next week, this should not be too difficult. Explain that all of that is wonderful but it is still a very young relationship at under 2 years and you still have a lot of learning about each other to do. Always remain positive. Try not to stress too much about it, it is ok that you feel this way, just learn how to handle the feelings instead of being anxious about feeling them.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Do you have any tips or suggestions on how to handle these feelings when the anxiety starts to build? I plan on talking to my boyfriend and being honest about my feelings, but I was wondering if you have any ideas on how to avoid these types of feelings in the future?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I'm sorry you had to rate me a poor service. I get penalized for that from Just Answer and may not be allowed to answer any more questions fro clients. I'm hoping you will reconsider your rating.
Giving specific advice goes against policy and is difficult to be able to do online without getting to know you in a clinical setting, so the tips I give you may or may not work for you, as there is no set rule which works for every single person. You cannot avoid these feelings altogether at least at first. It really depends on the very specific conversation you are having with your boyfriend at the time. If your anxiety lies more with how HE feels about your reaction instead of you thinking about your future overall, then you need to train your mind to think about all of the positive things he is doing for you and how your relationship is going. Live in the moment, be happy about having someone who cares for you so deeply. Having the honest conversation you plan on having, may resolve a lot of these feelings in itself and I don't know what his reaction will be, so it is near impossible for me to be specific as to a guaranteed response.
You need to determine what within you will make you feel as if he is the one. What does he have to do for you to also think about marriage and the future? What has to happen for both of you to be on the same page? Are you not wanting to get married at all, are you not wanting to get married so early in a relationship or are your doubts strictly around him as a person? You are the only only who knows the answer to this, as everyone has different ideals about what makes them happy. If you can answer this, you can figure out how to avoid feelings of this in the future, because they will be resolved. You can't fix the problem without knowing the cause. Once you have identified the exact cause, then you can figure out a plan of action to take. Right now, just being honest with him but at the same time remaining positive is going to be your only course of action.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1376
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions