Hello and Welcome. Please take your time to read and consider all replies as they are carefully structured with your best interests in mind.
Has your wife told you the reason for her unhappiness? You mention that you are both under a lot of stress, can you tell me what sort of stress, do you mean financial or other?
It is not just financial, but also work related as we are both putting in alot of extra hours.
You might be able to tell me if you think that her level of unhappiness is the reason she seeks to be extravagant?
She is going out with colleagues almost every Friday to try and build relations with them and then get home intoxicated and this stresses me out even more as I never know if she is engaging with other men. On numerous times some males have tried ti kiss her or touch her, which I have raised my concern.
I think this is true as she mentioned last night that the spark is not there anymore like we had when we met.
It sound like you are not part of the scene when she goes out with her colleagues and I'm wondering if it's possible that her stories about other men being attracted to her is not simply another way she has found that makes her feel "better" ? How long have you been married?
We have been married for 5 years and dater for another three before we married. She will always tell me how men are looking at her as to make me jealous.
It must be a bit confusing for you. She does seem to be chasing attention, which people will do if they feel they are lacking it in one way, they tend to seek it in another. Could her behaviour be signalling that she wants more attention from you perhaps?
She is always using the excuse for unhappiness as her dreams and mine are different, because she aspires to be more, have more etc. I am happy with what we have as long as we support each other and we are together regardless of the worldly possessions we have, but for her it is not the same.
It is possible but I doubt it as i arrange things for us to do together and spend time together, but her mind is ALWAYS at work....
What sort of work does she do. What sort of work do you do?
I am a Business Development manager and she is a Key Account Manager. She sells IT Training and I sell Integration and Mobile Scanning Solutions.
Ok, that sound like the sort of work that one should be able to switch off from once you have both come home. Therefore, could it be possible you both need time away so you can take the opportunity to spend quality time together and attempt to re-ignite some of that spark she feels has gone between you?
I have arranged two weekends away for us now and I hope that this will help us. We will also be traveling to DBN together for a week. If this does not work would it be a good idea to take a break from each other for a while. I am just scared that if we do take a break it may open doors that I do not accept of....
Perhaps first things first. Try not to become too concerned with what "might happen", before you reach that time, otherwise you could find it difficult to enjoy time away together. So firstly, see how the time away goes and assess the situation after that. If she appears to be more communicative and relaxed it might indicate that part of the problem at least, is that she does need more breaks away from her work environment. She also needs to recognise the impact on the marriage, otherwise things are unlikely to change.
Jis I hope this works as I am at the end of my rope here and I am struggling to continue.
What do you suggest I do if this does not resolve the problem?
You could suggest counselling together. If she is not inclined to go along with that idea, you may need to agree to sit down and talk about what steps she would be prepared to take. From that, she might see how urgent the situation has become.
Will Do, thank you for your advice.
Good luck and stay strong.