How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask kerri Your Own Question

kerri
kerri, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience:  Psychotherapist. Family & Couple Counsellor, Practical Parenting Advisor. Rapid assessment expertise.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
kerri is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, My wife says that I am the perfect man and that I am

Resolved Question:

Hi,

My wife says that I am the perfect man and that I am not doing anything wrong in our marriage, but she is very unhappy. She wants the most expensive of everything and she does bring in more money than me at the moment. I am content with what we have and do not need all the best like she does. I am doing everything in my power to grow myself in my company to earn more so that I can support her. We are both under a lot of stress and she only makes love to me as she feels it is her task to do.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  kerri replied 1 year ago.

kerri :

Hello and Welcome. Please take your time to read and consider all replies as they are carefully structured with your best interests in mind.

kerri :

Has your wife told you the reason for her unhappiness? You mention that you are both under a lot of stress, can you tell me what sort of stress, do you mean financial or other?

Customer:

Hi Kerri,

Customer:

It is not just financial, but also work related as we are both putting in alot of extra hours.

kerri :

You might be able to tell me if you think that her level of unhappiness is the reason she seeks to be extravagant?

Customer:

She is going out with colleagues almost every Friday to try and build relations with them and then get home intoxicated and this stresses me out even more as I never know if she is engaging with other men. On numerous times some males have tried ti kiss her or touch her, which I have raised my concern.

Customer:

I think this is true as she mentioned last night that the spark is not there anymore like we had when we met.

kerri :

It sound like you are not part of the scene when she goes out with her colleagues and I'm wondering if it's possible that her stories about other men being attracted to her is not simply another way she has found that makes her feel "better" ? How long have you been married?

Customer:

We have been married for 5 years and dater for another three before we married. She will always tell me how men are looking at her as to make me jealous.

kerri :

It must be a bit confusing for you. She does seem to be chasing attention, which people will do if they feel they are lacking it in one way, they tend to seek it in another. Could her behaviour be signalling that she wants more attention from you perhaps?

Customer:

She is always using the excuse for unhappiness as her dreams and mine are different, because she aspires to be more, have more etc. I am happy with what we have as long as we support each other and we are together regardless of the worldly possessions we have, but for her it is not the same.

Customer:

It is possible but I doubt it as i arrange things for us to do together and spend time together, but her mind is ALWAYS at work....

kerri :

What sort of work does she do. What sort of work do you do?

Customer:

I am a Business Development manager and she is a Key Account Manager. She sells IT Training and I sell Integration and Mobile Scanning Solutions.

kerri :

Ok, that sound like the sort of work that one should be able to switch off from once you have both come home. Therefore, could it be possible you both need time away so you can take the opportunity to spend quality time together and attempt to re-ignite some of that spark she feels has gone between you?

Customer:

I have arranged two weekends away for us now and I hope that this will help us. We will also be traveling to DBN together for a week. If this does not work would it be a good idea to take a break from each other for a while. I am just scared that if we do take a break it may open doors that I do not accept of....

kerri :

Perhaps first things first. Try not to become too concerned with what "might happen", before you reach that time, otherwise you could find it difficult to enjoy time away together. So firstly, see how the time away goes and assess the situation after that. If she appears to be more communicative and relaxed it might indicate that part of the problem at least, is that she does need more breaks away from her work environment. She also needs to recognise the impact on the marriage, otherwise things are unlikely to change.

Customer:

Jis I hope this works as I am at the end of my rope here and I am struggling to continue.

Customer:

What do you suggest I do if this does not resolve the problem?

kerri :

You could suggest counselling together. If she is not inclined to go along with that idea, you may need to agree to sit down and talk about what steps she would be prepared to take. From that, she might see how urgent the situation has become.

Customer:

Will Do, thank you for your advice.

kerri :

Good luck and stay strong.

Customer:

thanks.

kerri, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience: Psychotherapist. Family & Couple Counsellor, Practical Parenting Advisor. Rapid assessment expertise.
kerri and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency