Thank you so much for the advice. We had been doing so good, until about 4 days ago, I had a bad moment and went through his phone while he was in the shower. I didn't find anything from his ex or with his ex, but I did find a text that he had sent to his mom that said "& I'm torn; I love (His ex's name), It was about it being different, but it was about having a best friend that I saw the rest of my life with. And I messed it up."
So I naturally felt concerned, both because I felt the need to look and because he had sent it. So I told him that I did, asked for forgiveness, admitted I was wrong, promised I'd never do it again, told him I regretted it, then asked for an explanation.
He explained that he had had a bad day that day and that we were in a fight and he missed being with someone who he didn't fight with very much and that that was how he and his ex were. He claimed he loves me and wants to only be with me, but I've been freaking out and texting him alot and asking lots of questions. He says he's sure he doesn't love her anymore and now that I've finally got the answers I need, he's acting very distant and very different.
We were doing so good and he says he wants to stay together, but that he doesn't like that I don't trust him, that he doesn't know if I'll ever be able to get past this, and that he isn't sure what he wants from life whereas it seems like I'm ready to get engaged soon.
So today, I asked him if he just needed space in order to return to how we were before because I felt as though he wasn't into hanging out with me or being the way we were before. He said he thinks that's what would be best for him. I said I was willing to give it to him if it's what he really needed even though it's the last thing I need.
He's attending two events that his ex is going to be at and it bugs me tremendously that we're taking space at the moment while he goes to be around her. I told him that, asked him how much he needed and he said he doesn't know.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose this guy and we've been through so many ups and downs that I'm terrified. So terrified. Help! What do I do?!
Yeah, he just said he doesn't know if he wants to stay together in the end or not. I just don't understand how he can need space after how far we have come. And I don't know what space means. Do I just let him come to me anytime we talk?