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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Well I am 39 years old and my boyfriend is 35. He have been

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Well I am 39 years old and my boyfriend is 35. He have been living together for almost 4 years !! Of course we had our ups and downs !! A year ago I was feeling weird my boyfriend wanted to make love to me but at that time I did not want to !! I did sometimes but there was a lot of times I said no !! He even asked me what was wrong with me that If I had another Person !! I said no !! It just don't want to do it ! Ok time pass and now I want to be with him sexually ! When we start I don't say no anymore !! But our sex life change !! We do not do it too often ! Maybe three times a month!! I asked several times that what is wrong with him he says he is tired !! Bla bla bla ! He told me he loves me all the time ! And I don't see anything strange like he has somebody else !! The other day I was in tears and told him I don't feel pretty anymore cause he does not touch me like he used to !! I am pretty skinny intelligent caristmatic !! What's wrong with him !!i know a lot of guys will be very happy to have me !! Please help !! I am very depress !!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I am sorry for what you are feeling and I could understand why you feel there is something wrong with you. But believe me it does not sound like you are the problem. I hope you do not allow this to depress you and I hope you continue to maintain yourself positive as you sound to be in general.

Men in general have trouble discussing their feelings and tend to close up when feeling rejected. It is normal how you felt that time when you did not want to have sex with him. We are human and it does happen. I believe him not wanting it as much now could be one of two things.

First, it could be that he is hurt that you rejected him and feels you didn't do it then and now you want it, but now he doesn't want to. It is kind of a power struggle and feels why should he do it when now you are ready. I see this happen a lot and sometimes men get turned off by feeling rejected, but sometimes they actually really still want to have sex, but their pride gets in the way and prevents them from doing it anyway. He may have felt before the way that you are feeling now when you rejected him. This may have put a strain on his self esteem and may even be holding some resentment.

Secondly, he may have some other issues going on. He could really be tired, going though some health or emotional issues, or etc. He may be feeling just out of it as you were in the past and may heal itself. Based on what you described it has nothing to do with you personally.

Either way the best thing to do right now is to discuss this openly with him. Let him know how you are feeling and why. Also, try to clarify what happened in the past and get his thoughts on it. By discussing this both your true feelings will come out and it will clear up any communication issues as well as get you both on the same page about how you feel for one another. This way he will know that you meant nothing by what happened in the past and you will know what is causing this change in his behaviors as well.

I believe the main problem here is the need to clear the air. Once that happens you both should have a new outlook on the relationship and will be very refreshing for the both of you.

Please do not hesitate to ask a follow up if needed. I wish you the best and hope it all works out.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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