Thank you for your answer.
I dont really speak french. But that aside. While waiting I read about some men talk about gf who are to clingy>> phonecal troubles, jealousy, demands about confessions of love, well you name it...
Some poor man even had to tear apart his work portfolio to proove he is not interested in someone else. But it was these kind of posts online that made me look for an other answer - yea I searched also bit before I found this forum. I asked cause - while I do feel very much needing the attention - I do not see the ways those women are like me. I do not do things like that. No way, I find that kind of show of insecurity bit stupid actually. No screaming for being late, no words like 'if you loved me'. That way is not me.
I just hope my physical manner is not too intrusive. Its like obsession to touch or to even make sure he really is there.. even when I can see he is.
Recently I felt like I intruded bit too much trying to steal a pashionate kiss. That is what made me originally worried and him asking if he dont touch me enough.
There is so much weight behind my background and generally my health, or the fact that we still have address in different countries that - and I tried to make it clear in my question by speaking of all this - that its a multilayered situation which makes me rather overwhelmed about how to ensure he feels good with me. No one ever told me they did. He really factually is first one. I did not let anyone close before.
Like said I figured he maybe did not want to have as many hugs, kisses or such - not all the time - that it made me worried - generally about my physical manner. And then I realized it actually physically hurts me to try to not to touch. So I am bit lost about how to do.
I do not use tears as weapon, like explained in some posts. I can get how someone does, even with out knowing it. Believe me I have wondered if it seems like that to him - because my too easy tears have been a problem long time - so I prepared about that and have gone out my way to try to explain. I think he got that part yes - like said about the 'good tears' - but it does not remove the fact that I will always be easy to make tears. I used to dump friends simply because they maybe laughed at me for something. And then I kinda learned to 'remember' that its not always to hurt if they laugh.
But that does not remove how the tears come out too much easy. I was bullied in school cause they found it so funny to see me cry that easy. I did not mean that this thing I asked about is making me cry more than usual or natural - I meant that, because I cry so easily, I worry he feels he did something wrong - even though he did not. I dont want he becomes tired of wondering that I dont feel good with him, even though I do.
I have had the sensitive personality trait long enough to know it will make people also tired. The thing is - I also am ill and have pains. So I can not avoid feeling easily sick - of for that matter, bit tired. So it makes me even more sensitive. How on earth I make that easier for him? Its not easy to watch how someone you love rolls in pain in the bed just cause they have some over sensitive nerves and gass in the belly - I have actually fainted over such pain. So I it really is fact that I sense much more hurt from that than people generally do. I am on Lyrica for my pains - and few other medications as well.
The thing is I tried to explain bit my history and found the space bit limited to make my question.
It stopped me to roots to feel I introoded with something meant to feel sweet. I think its rather self explanatory to feel - even more needy for attention cause I know I must go back to my native coutry if few days.
But the truth is I never wanted this much attention from anyone. I really dont want it go too far. I dont think its a dissorder - but a situation that has 'variables' that make everything feel extremely intense. I do take your view into consideration though.
I feel like a need to protect us because in fact I have never ever had an experience of anything so pretty. Maybe it is that - having been alone so long. Even to try to protect us from me, as strange as it sounds to put it that way. One example.. my health requires rahter expensive care - so for some time I was rather over whelmed about that too if we would affort to live together - or if I was irresponsible about giving hope for relationship when I will come with bit more expenses than a healthy person. I dont work. I cant physically - so I am retired.
Im rather surprised about your answer. I dont put it off like that - but I think maybe I did bit poor work trying to explain in english. I am european - not french though - Its limited how I can express me.
I want to tend to something that is this good - its that what makes me so much needing to make sure he feels good - is that I feel bit like there is more than normal ammount of stress created cause of my medical situation, or us having to spend extended times apart and my history.
I am actually able to limit my behaviour.. but it feels strangely painfull to not to touch.