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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My ex left me in january 2012. he wanted kids, im too old

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My ex left me in january 2012. he wanted kids, i'm too old to have kids.he knew that, we had been together for 7 yrs prior to him leaving. i was devastated that he left me. since then, i have rebuilt my life, new job, trying to sell my house. However, he contacted me mid Aug last yr and we began to see/ sleep with each other again despite him forming a "relationship" online with an Asian person...he ended this "relationship" recently despite him going to visit her in China in sept. He says he ended it coz he can't get me out of his head. I can't get him out of my head either. He still contacts me everyday and he recently asked me to live with him for a trial period to see if we can still work and if we do, he would want to get back with me...the trial period is up in 3 weeks. I still love him but I am being very cautious in my dealings with him as I believe he will dump me again despite him saying I am his soulmate.... I am 50 later this yr, he is due to be 37 in May. My instinct is telling me to end things and run before he does ( again...) but i do love him and we are still stupidly compatible apart from the having kids thing. On sat night, he said he would live with me and get a dog to placate his need to father something...a dog is not a kid, i know this...i have a 23 yr old..i know the need to have a kid can be overwhelming. Should I cut my ties, tell him it was fun and leg it and form a new life or give this a try ? he was the one who re started the "relationship" with me... I deleted his numbers / facebook etc... I have money and a life, but I love him. Am i being stupid? am i being used ? can u advise please ? at almost 50, i still feel like an inexperienced teen around him despite having gone through a previous divorce from my ex husband and the subsequent blow to my self esteem that that did to me. I'm told i'm attractive and have had other men come onto me but I still go back to my ex...thanks for your advice
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank u for your reply. the trial period is indeed for him to see if we can be together again without kids...it was at his instigation. the Asian he met would have given him kids in a heartbeat in order to secure a visa and passport to britain but he rejected that as the time she wanted to visit co incided with my 50th birthday and he said he could not be with her coz he would just be wanting to be with me. he gives a lot and does not take from me..never has. I have a v healthy financial background, he knows this. he has never taken a penny from me. In fact, when he left me, he continues to pay for a car i bought in 08, which i remortgaged my house to get us..he owes me 16k sterling and is paying me back every month..if the trial ends, and he leaves me again he has agreed to pay me the market value of the vehicle...10k and pay me the remaining 6k over yrs...i have no doubt he will uphold this agreement. He has never been abusive, I am strong enough to not tolerate that. I do not want to hinder his life, I want him to be happy coz I love him. I understand that if he stays with me there are still risks involved, but my love for him and my selfishness to not be lonely are clouding my judgement...i don't feel real with out him, though I have tried to. and he keeps contacting me. my friends tell me to walk away ...i'm so confused

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you for your words...we do love each other deeply, always have since day 1.... i never loved my first husband like i love this guy, never had this connection like i do with this man...even his mum has told him to just be with me and hang the consequenses...but i agree, it's about the risk i'm willing to take...i'm not seeing him for a few days, my decision...am going to spain with a female friend for a break...i hope i will feel clearer when i return. i'm a strong woman but love makes fools of us all, right ? i need some clarity....maybe i'll get that soon....she thinks i should dump him before he dumps me again...show some power to him... but she doesn't know what he says to me when we are alone...he says he is empty without me, life is meaningless etc....it reflects how i feel about him though, god knows, i have tried not to be with him, i have my pride...anyway, thanks for your kindness and empathy, I will give u a good rating. u have a fascinating job, best wishes

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi Mary,

I am a bit confused in regards to your rating you left me. I was told by you that you were happy with my service. I hope this was a mistake and I did not offend you in any way at all. I wish you can reply and let me know what I did wrong. I don't understand how our good conversation turned into a poor rating. I would like to help until you are satisfied.

Jen

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Jen Helant
Jen Helant
1067 Satisfied Customers
I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.