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kerri
kerri, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience:  Psychotherapist. Family & Couple Counsellor, Practical Parenting Advisor. Rapid assessment expertise.
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Hi..Have recently separated and feeling very very lonely, ugly

Customer Question

Hi..Have recently separated and feeling very very lonely, ugly dont have alot of friends
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  kerri replied 3 years ago.

kerri :

Hello and Welcome. Please take your time to read and consider all replies as they are carefully structured with your best interests in mind.

kerri :

You sound somewhat saddened by your recent separation, which is understandable. If you could add some more information about your current situation it would make it easier to respond and provide you with some useful suggestions to help relieve these negative feelings. Feel free to respond when you can.

JACUSTOMER-pots1d4h- :

Hi again....we have together for 21yrs, with 4 children, own a home together....ex is a narcissists, doesn't work and doesn't intend to he is very lazy, not very helpful around the house or with the kids it seems as tho hes just a boarder in our home and quick to blame others for his wrong doings....But he does not see any of this is not right!!!

kerri :

Hello. I am a bit confused, sorry, but I was under the impression that you were separated; does he still live in your home ? You were describing how he does not contribute to helping around the house or with the kids and said he is more like a boarder in the home? If you can clarify, this will make things easier to comment on. Thank you.

JACUSTOMER-pots1d4h- :

Yes we are separated...im telling how he was and can be

kerri :

Thank you for that. And in that case, one can see how things must have become difficult for you. When one partner does not reciprocate the efforts being made by the other, conflict usually arises in one form or another. It is not a pleasant situation to contend with especially if he lacked the capacity to appreciate you. If you have interests outside the home and family, this can help to keep your mind actively diverted from dwelling too much on the negative side of what life was like when he was around. Making time for youself where you can, to do things that make you feel good/happy are ways to reduce becoming consumed with negative feelings. Finding avenues of support can also help, whether that's contacting a friend or joining a group/class where meeting others might result in increasing your friendship circle. There are endless options available in which you could choose to become involved if you wanted to. Socialising is important if you are feeling a bit isolated or lonely, but sometimes that takes a little effort on your part. It's about moving forward and the more you try to do to keep yourself busy the better. Four children undoubtedly takes up your time too, but it's important to make time for yourself.

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