Thank you for taking the time to respond.
I respect your thoughts and opinion, and my intention is not to challenge it, but I seem to have a disagreement with you. I understand the point you are trying to make about the loved ones, and I already have that in my principles. This principle/rule is right, but how you apply the principle/rule and in what situation should also be right. This is where I have a disagreement with you. He and his mother said everything they wanted to about me and my family. It's their opinion, but they seemed to forget that just like they love each other within the family (mother-son) so do others (father-daughter). They have too much respect for their own feelings, but not feelings of others'. For example, his mother will think her son is too special. Thats not hurting anyone. However, if she doesn't respect the same thing about someone else's daughter and doesn't respect that other parents also feel their children are special and goes as far as hurting/disrespecting them and their bond with their children, then that is ill-mannered. This is a type of injustice. I could have done the same thing that his mother did but I only chose to point out what they did. And it's not wrong to point out somebody's injustice. I could have even let this go and done a favor on him by not pointing out her injustice, but it was my decision to not in this particular situation.
My father knows and understand how ill-mannered it is to speaks badly about somebody's child. So nobody would ever have the opportunity to call him ill-mannered. However, if I were in his position, and my mother acted this way with somebody, I would address that person's feelings (either talking with my mother or clearing any misunderstanding) way before he has opportunity to characterize my mother as ill-mannered. This way I have done a favor on my mother, which is part of love.
I also don't agree with you on the job. I did not do it without his consent. In fact, he wanted me to do it. Not once, but several times. There's no reason to ask for something if you are going to be ungrateful about it later, and pretend that it's no big deal. If you don't appreciate it, then don't ask me for it.
It seems from your messages that you want me to realize his (and others') feelings that imagine how they feel when I say something negative to them about their loved ones, but ignore my own. It's this exact rule: "we can say what we want about our loved ones, but it's all kinds of wrong when others do it" which they violated, and I believe I am allowed to point it out to them what they did, at the very least. I did it once, and instead of repeating it I chose to not read his messages from now that could prompt another such response from me.
I am getting married in a few months. And I thought it was a good idea for me to look deep down and resolve any unhealed feelings so I can start a fresh life. It'll also keep me very engaged in so many activities and I do feel that will help me put this behind. And I am happy to say that it has not been hard for me to genuinely appreciate my mother-in-law (not just say it to make my husband happy) because she is a remarkable woman and I have deep, sincere respect for her from within.
The positives I found:
1. Don't assume. Have clear and direct communication with others, so I can avoid these situations.
2. Try to resolve the situation earlier and not let feelings get to this point.
3. If somebody makes me uncomfortable, keep my distance.