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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi I met a girl that I realy " like" I have strong feelings

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Hi I met a girl that I realy " like" I have strong feelings for her anyway when we first started hanging out she was all into me wanting to spend time with me touching me kissing me goodbye so we kind of had sex a little to soon we were kissing and one thing lead to another and I tryed going slow and warming her up but she looked very uncomfortable and when I put my dick in her her face cringed and she said wait do you have any stds and I can get pregnant ? I wasent going to cum in her ? So I left very crusted and feeling rejected so anyway I hang out with her a few more times then she disperses for two weeks and won't text me back fast or at all and won't hang out so finily we make plans to go out and right before I'm going to pick her up she texts me and says we're in compatable man up and move on don't contact me so I say some nasty things to her called her a piece of shit and went on with my life and didn't bother with her so now two weeks latter she contacts me saying hey how are you ? Wtf so we start to hang out again and the same thing happend every time we get close she pulls away well we were makeing out again and the same thing happened again she stoped me but after I left she could tell I was upset so she texts me right away and says wow I wasent exiting that I had fun so we hang out a few more times then she blows up on me says it's all about pussy bla bla bla and I'm not what she wants but she wants to take it slow because she just wasted 5 years with some dude ? Whatever so we still hang out and I'm starting to like her more and more then she starts being cold to me and not makeing any plans with me but she calls every once in a while just to check up on me and sometimes hang out but I was starting to feel like she wasent into me anymore I felt like she was using me to make herself feel good because I was jiving her attrition so she blows up on me again so I block her number so she can't contact me well she must have went crazy because she got every one she knew to get me to talk to her again so after a month I give in and talk to her big mistake because all she did from that point on was humiliate me she told me that she tryed hooking up with me and she didn't like it she said I'm sure you will make somebody happy but it's not me and of course it's not you it's me lol so she asked to be friends and I said no I do t want to be your friend so another bid argument and this time she called my mom a name and called me a hairy monkey midget with a small dick and she said I smell and my parents take care of me so anyway I said so e nasty things to her too and said I'll never talk to you again sure enough she calls a few days latter and pisses me of so I blocked her number again and went to Florida for 4 months so I'm not around her because she lives by me up north like a few doors down anyway I sent she a birthday card a v-day card and I just sent a Easter card I like her i don't know what to do I'm moveing back up north soon and I'll be liveing a few doors away from her by the way we are both 34 years old she has more education then me and maybe higher paying job but I have way more savings then she has I don't know if that means anything but she did say to me how could I be serious about you to me ? I said the same to her but I do like hanging out with her she is into some cool stuff I like the fact that she's mean I love kissing her and other stuff I don't know what to do I can't stop thinking about her I feel like she just played me to get to know me and Big time rejected me and loved it WTF
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

It seems as though she has been hurt in the past and wanted to move slower than you were. I think there was some miscommunication between the both of you regarding your wants and desires. This miscommunication seemed to turn into arguing and name calling.

Rather than her discuss what was going on and how she felt she ended up blowing up all the time. She may have thought you were using her for sex and you had thought she was using you for attention.

I think the best thing to do from here if you really like her is send her a letter explaining what you want and apologize if she felt wronged in any way. Let her know that you would like to discuss with her a possible relationship and do not have a problem with moving slowly ( only if this is true of course). Let her know all the things you enjoy about her and like. Tell her you would like to communicate with one another rather than her holding everything in and exploding. Also, you want to talk rather than call one another names since that will not help anything.

I would send the letter or email this way she has time to digest everything before making a decision and can not respond in a hasty fashion. Also, when you do go back up north you can then have a face to face talk with her if you both did not already at that time.

This is your best option if you want to be with her. I don't think she played you I think she just has been hurt, is afraid of getting hurt again, she closes herself up due to this, and was afraid you were using her for sex. This explains all the blow ups and why she asked to be friends, but I do not think this was done intentional because she did not like you. She was just trying to protect herself, but does not seem very good at expressing her feelings.

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Do you think I should persue her and make first contact when I get home or wait for her because she was the one that dumped me and didn't try I just not sure because I'll be jelous if she is seeing someone else because she lives 8 houses down from me other then that it was a great answEr
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thank you. I am glad to help. I think you should write the letter asap. I think if you wait for her to pursue you that may not happen due to the fact she may be thinking that you were not sincere about her. If you write the letter than she will know the truth about your feelings and also whatever the outcome you will know that you have done your part. It will also set the stage for when you go back home. You will have a feel for her response or lack of response instead of being surprised when you get there.

I understand you will be jealous if she is seeing someone else, but try not to worry too deep into the future. Take it step by step and start with the letter letting her know how you feel and what you would like as well as how things could be different between you both then go from there with a positive outlook.

All the best,
Jennifer
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Jen Helant
Jen Helant
1067 Satisfied Customers
I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.